Right Choice
by Enthusiastic Fish
Summary: Entry for the NFA Hollis: Love Her or Hate Her Challenge. Focuses on Hollis Mann and what happened to her after her retirement. Spoilers for season 6 and for NCIS: LA. Already complete will post one chapter per day.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **This story was written for the NFA Hollis: Love Her or Hate Her Challenge. It is far from being my usual in that first and foremost there is no Tim! Really! He gets mentioned once or twice and seen once...and he doesn't even say anything. Second, this kind of ends up as a romance, even though I didn't plan on it. If you don't like Hollis Mann or her presence on the show, then this may not be the story for you because I quite liked her and was disappointed by her unflattering heave-ho to Lana'i. This story rounds up what happened in my head. ...and you may never see a story like this from again. It was hard not to write Tim into it. :)

Spoilers for season 6 and for NCIS: LA.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own NCIS or the NCIS characters or any of the franchise in any way, shape, or form. That's why I'm poor. I'm not making money off this. More's the pity.

* * *

**Right Choice  
**by Enthusiastic Fish

The birds woke her up again. It was the third week in a row that she'd slept long enough for the birds to wake her up. She didn't know _which_ birds. She'd been here for over a year and a half and still didn't know what types of birds frequented the trees in her yard.

_Maybe I should make an effort to find out,_ she thought.

With a yawn and a stretch, Hollis Mann sat up in bed, looking out the window at the beautiful day. Again. That was why she had chosen Lana'i when she retired...because it had beautiful weather. It was a place she'd only been once but had loved on sight. She had been fortunate to find a fixer-upper to...fix up. It had taken the better part of six months to finish the work, but she was happy with the result. The house was a three bedroom, one bath home. It had a lovely view. Her neighbors were friendly and everything was in easy access...even the beach. It was an ideal spot.

No, it wasn't her location that was the problem. ...only it was.

With a sigh, Hollis pulled herself out of bed. Retiring had seemed like a such a good idea at the time. Eighteen months ago, she had announced her retirement. She'd been young to retire...or so she told herself. Well, in the eyes of the people who made the decisions, she'd retired early. She was a young-un. A wry smile accompanied the thought as she padded into her bathroom.

Years of intense physical activity had kept her fit and looking good...even if she did say so herself. ...it wasn't like there was anyone else to say it to her. She'd never felt the desire or the need to pretty up her appearance with things like botox or liposuction. Even hair-tinting was approached cautiously. If her mother had taught her anything (besides the idea that a lady should never wear trousers...a piece of advice Hollis had steadfastly ignored), it was to grow old with grace. Let one's hair go gray. Let the wrinkles appear. Wrinkles and gray hair showed that a person had truly lived. As she looked at herself in the mirror, she could almost hear her mother's voice.

"_Those brainless beauties who tuck this and suck that...they want to keep themselves looking like Barbie dolls for the rest of their lives! Well, guess what, Hollis. Barbie never did have any brains!"_

Her mother had been horrified when Hollis had joined the Army...which was part of the reason she had done it, truth be told. Cherie Esther Mann had wanted to raise a young lady in the midst of the four boys she'd had. What she had gotten was tomboy, a rambunctious hellion who had resisted all attempts to tame her wild ways. One threat finally had broken up their tumultuous relationship and Hollis had stormed out of the house during a visit, angry at her mother's "interference." She had long since recognized that her mother had been trying to help her only daughter be happy, but at the time, it had seemed as though she was stifling every creative outlet Hollis had found for herself after years of trying to find a place where she could really fit in.

Quickly, fingers moving with skilled ease, she pulled back her hair into a tight ponytail. Her running partners would be by soon and she hated keeping them waiting for any reason. Twenty-two years in the Army had made punctuality a habit...and being in the Army had also taught her the value of dressing quickly, but still looking put together. Not fancy. She didn't go in for that high-end athletic gear mostly purchased by people who weren't actually athletes to any degree. Nope, it was a t-shirt and shorts (sweats when she'd lived in a place that required them...which Lana'i definitely did not). She changed from her pajamas to her jogging clothes and was out on the porch waiting for them to arrive in less than two minutes.

As she sat, she thought back over the events that had ended up with her essentially exiling herself to this island in the middle of the Pacific. It wasn't that this place was unpleasant. On the contrary, if she could be happy _anywhere_ in retirement, it would be here.

...but she was beginning to think that she couldn't truly be happy in retirement at _all_. It was a thought that had been coming up more and more frequently lately and it was something that she tried to suppress.

"Hol! You ready?"

"Ready and rarin'!" she shouted back and stood up, stretching her limbs as the trio approached.

It was a strange group she had chosen to associate herself with. Lani was an older retired widow who insisted that her husband would never forgive her if she let herself get lazy. Kareem was a younger man who had dreams of owning one of the condominiums going up on the neighboring island of Maui. Lisa was about eighteen and did anything to get herself out of the house and away from her annoying younger siblings. If that meant she had to get up at six in the morning and go running with a bunch of weirdos, so be it. Kareem lived the farthest down the block and so he would stop at Lani's place and then they would pick up Lisa as they headed to Hollis' house. The running group had begun because, after finally moving in, Hollis had realized that she would go crazy without a morning run, but she also recognized the need to make friends...so she had asked around to see if anyone was interested. Initially, there were probably about ten or twelve who had expressed interest...but only Kareem and Lani had lasted for more than a month. Lisa had seen them walking by one morning and decided to tag along. She'd been tagging along ever since.

"Who's setting the pace today?" Lisa asked.

"Depends," Hollis answered, grinning. "If you want a fast pace, then we should let Lani set it. If you want slow, then we can go with Kareem."

Kareem grinned and bowed. It was a standing joke with them now that Lani could run circles around him. He had initially balked at running with an "old woman." That had quickly faded when he realized that she was in better shape than he was.

"I was up late," Lisa was saying. "Let's let Kareem lead off." She grinned impudently.

Kareem chuckled and they set off...at a fairly slow pace. It was a good thing for Hollis that her competitive streak hadn't ever been activated with this group. She had always gone running alone back in DC. It had taken leaving everything behind to make her willing to smooth her rather abrasive personality, not that she'd ever been really cruel, but as a woman in a traditionally man's world, she'd taken the personality traits which had horrified her mother and honed them to razor-sharp perfection. Letting them dull had been a process of years and even now, she was amazed that the temptation to leave them all in her dust (except maybe Lani) hadn't become overwhelming.

"You know, Hol," Lani began.

"You know a nice young man who would be perfect for me," Hollis completed the sentence without breaking stride. Lani seemed to know an unlimited succession of "nice young men" so much so that Hollis wondered what she did with her days.

"He would be, you know."

"Lani, I'm not looking."

"I know. That's why I'm looking for you."

"Man, you're like my mother," Kareem puffed. "Resist, Hollis!"

"I wish _my_ mom would encourage me to go out."

"You're too young to be getting serious," all three said in unison.

Lisa rolled her eyes and didn't dignify them with an answer.

Half an hour later, they returned to Hollis' house and they slowed to a walk to cool down before stopping. Lisa went into her house with a wave. When they reached Lani's home, she grabbed Hollis' arm and shooed Kareem down the street.

"We have to girl talk, Kareem," she said. "You go on."

"Hold strong, Hollis," he said before continuing on his way home.

"I told you, Lani. I appreciate the offer, but I'm not looking to get into a relationship."

Lani looked at her wisely. "Who left you behind?"

Hollis smiled. "You've got it backwards. I did the leaving."

"All on your own, huh?"

"Totally my decision. It wouldn't have worked out."

"Why not? Too many differences?"

Hollis smiled ruefully. "No. We were too much alike. He was a Marine and I was the Army. We both wanted to be in charge. It was hard for us to work."

"You obviously did for a while."

"Not long enough. I made some mistakes." She shrugged.

"Like what?"

"Like forgetting what I already knew about him and deluding myself that he'd change just for me. I couldn't change myself; so I wanted to change him. It just didn't work out. I knew it wouldn't."

"And so you retired and moved to Lana'i?"

"It's not really a causal connection. I'd already been thinking about it."

"So fast?"

"Feeling my age, I suppose."

"Nothing wrong with that, but you don't look old enough to be feeling your age."

"Good genes. My mother thanks you."

"Am I acting like your mother?"

Hollis laughed. "No. Not at all. My mother would have said that it served me right I was alone, that I drove all the good men away with my rudeness. She definitely would have been angry that I didn't give her any grandchildren." Another shrug. "My brothers did that, thank goodness. Not all her children were disappointments."

Lani looked sad and Hollis hurried to reassure her.

"Don't worry, Lani. I'm...a little disappointed that having a family wasn't in the cards for me, but if it required me changing who I am to get a man to really look at me...it wouldn't have been worth it."

"And this man you were with before?"

Hollis couldn't do anything else but shrug...and then sigh.

"Well, don't punish yourself just because things didn't work out. You don't have to give up what you love doing."

"I'm not, Lani. See you tomorrow."

"Bye, Hollis."

Hollis walked back up the street, waving at Lisa from the sidewalk and then breaking into a slow jog toward her house. Once inside, she turned on the radio and headed to the shower. Lani's questions had put her in a self-reflective mood. She didn't like these moods because she always thought about the same mistakes.

This time, the radio seemed to be reading her mind. A very young-sounding male singer began singing about having a crush and not being able to walk away from it. He'd probably not been alive long enough to really love someone. Then, another song came on, the singer talking about having the time of his life. Hollis had to look at the radio and wonder if she was going to be on some sort of Candid Camera.

_Probably 90 percent of the songs on the radio are about falling in or out of love. Get over yourself, Hol._

Still, when yet another song, this one about not giving up on love, started playing, she started to think that there was some sort of cosmic joke going on. She turned off the shower and was unnerved when a song about having a good mother popped up next. Wrapped in a towel, she sank down onto the toilet seat and listened as it played, not moving. It wasn't a song she recognized, but the words were so...poignant. As the song reached its climax and began to wind down, she felt tears on her cheeks.

"Ridiculous," she said to herself and stood up, drying herself off and getting dressed, but as the song went on listing the great things in life, she found herself checking off the things she did have...but she didn't have the most important of them.

_Stop reading so much into a song. It's just a song._

The music that followed wasn't especially appropriate for her situation and she was able to finish getting ready for the day without more songs that would strike at her heartstrings.

As the day progressed, however, she wasn't able to shake her mood. As she worked in her small garden, she couldn't help thinking over and over again about what had happened to land her here.

Another song came on.

"Oh, for goodness sake!" She got up and turned off the voice singing, _"Maybe it's time to come home..."_

Then, she went back to work, stabbing at the rich soil for a few vigorous seconds before sighing and turning the radio back on, just in time to hear, _"I'll bet you're hard to get over..."_

Part of her wondered if Jethro missed her at all, wondered if he had just gone on like she'd never even existed. No matter how she felt now, she knew what she had told Lani was right. They could never have really expected to last. She was too used to being in charge and Jethro was too much of a chauvinist.

"_I know it's wrong and it's a problem..."_

Grimacing, she didn't turn off the radio again, not even when a very young girl started singing about a type of love she couldn't possibly have experienced. Pushing away the thoughts that were so unusual for her, she continued her ruthless assault on the the defenseless soil.

"I'm over fifty years old," she muttered to herself. "That's much too old to start behaving like a lovestruck teenager."

After a few more minutes, she stopped and sat in the shade of the trees, absently stabbing the spade into the earth.

She remembered their parting all too clearly. Like a character from one of these silly love songs she kept hearing, she had expected a different ending. She wished, now, that she had admitted that, again, she felt like an idiot. She had done that once before and they had managed to go on from that moment of childish insecurity.

And life had managed to go on when she hadn't admitted it, when she'd felt that her position was the right one and that it was Jethro's fault they had fallen apart. Even now, she thought she was right...and that's why they wouldn't have made it. Hollis accepted that...but it didn't mean that she liked it. Life was like that sometimes.

She'd accept it and move on. She was quite certain Jethro had...certain but not sure. She'd almost called when she'd seen the news that Director Shephard had died. It had seemed such an ignominious death: dying in a fire in one's own home. For one used to fighting her way out of any situation, dying like that seemed unfair. How could you fight if you weren't awake to see it begin? And how could you fight something like fire anyway? Jenny Shephard had made it patently clear that she and Jethro had been an item a long while in the past. She'd never said it explicitly but she had made no bones about what she meant. So, Hollis had been aware. There'd always been some tension between them which she'd always considered a bit ridiculous. Even so, it didn't mean that she wished that kind of death on anyone...and Jethro had probably been upset...in that closed off way he had.

...but she hadn't called. She did hope, for his sake, that they hadn't gotten back together. He'd feel responsible, because Jethro was like that. It fed into his chauvinism. She'd enjoyed it to a certain degree, but not always...and not enough to accept it forever.

_Enough reminiscing. This is the life you _chose_ for yourself. Accept it and get on with it._

Even as she thought it, however, she wasn't sure she believed it completely.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Life went on for another couple of months. Hollis continued to resist Lani's attempts to hook her up with some of the single men she kept running into. She went running every morning, caught up on years worth of reading, rode her bike all the way around the island. She even took up some new sports, like surfing. It turned out that there was a company offering surfing lessons. She signed up for them. She also went snorkeling a few times.

The problem remained that she felt incredibly lazy, like she was wasting her life and not doing anything worthwhile. It was like a very long vacation, but in order for vacations to be really fun, they had to have an ending date, and hers didn't have that...unless you counted the date of her death, which was hopefully a long way in the future.

Without exactly admitting it to herself, she began to bring up the possibility of finding some sort of activity to "fill her time" when she spoke to old friends. She wasn't sure they really believed it was a casual question, but they at least knew better than to say that. She dropped hints here and there that if something came up she'd appreciate knowing about it.

Another month passed...and then, one morning, she checked her email and there was a message from someone named Vance. She was about to delete it simply on the principle that real people she didn't know didn't have her email address at hand.

_Wait. Vance... that name rings a bell,_ she thought. _He took over the Director job at NCIS, didn't he?_

Curious, now, about what the director of NCIS could possibly want with her, she opened the email...and, if she had been the gasping kind (which she wasn't), she would have gasped in surprise. As it was, she had to read the email twice before she could really believe what she was reading.

It was a formal letter, which didn't really surprise her. It was the content.

_NCIS Headquarters  
__Washington Navy Yard, Building #112_

_1 July 2009_

_Hollis Mann, Lt. Col. (ret'd)  
__553 South Hoalauna St.  
__Lana'i City, HI 96763_

_Re: Position as head of OSP team_

_Dear Lt. Col. Mann:_

_The Office of Special Projects in Los Angeles is searching for a temporary replacement of their team leader, with the possibility that it will become permanent. The position has been listed on . If you are interested in being considered for this position, please fill out the requisite application. You may contact NCIS Director Leon Vance at 403-555-2538 if you have further questions regarding our request._

_Your decision is requested no later than 13 July 2009._

_Joseph K. Reston  
__Department of Human Relations  
__Naval Criminal Investigative Service  
__Washington Navy Yard_

"You've got to be kidding me," Hollis whispered as she looked at the screen. Why in the world would anyone want her to lead a team in NCIS? She wasn't confused about how they had got a hold of her email address. She remembered how quickly and easily Agent McGee had hacked into DSS a few years ago. Doubtless, there were others who could do the same thing. She looked at the clock on the wall and decided to call right away. This was so out-of-the-blue that she knew she wouldn't be able to think of anything else until she found out what was going on. Looking carefully at the phone number, she dialed it quickly...and then waited.

"_Hello, you've reached the office of Director Leon Vance of NCIS. This is Loren. How may I help you?"_

"I would like to speak with Director Vance. Is he available?"

"_Let me check. Who may I say is calling?"_

"Lt. Col. Hollis Mann."

"_Please, hold."_

Hollis felt her stomach flutter a bit and sternly mastered her nerves. She hadn't gone soft that quickly, had she? It seemed only moments before there was a click.

"_This is Director Vance. I am speaking to Col. Mann?"_

"Yes. Director Vance, I received an interesting email just moments ago and your name was listed as someone who had more information about what was going on."

"_Yes, that would be me."_ He sounded amused.

"I'm waiting to hear why you chose to contact me. Surely I'm not on many lists at NCIS...except perhaps as a person to avoid."

"_I'm new to Headquarters. I tend not to pay attention to those kinds of lists myself."_

"You're sidestepping my question, Director Vance."

"_Perhaps because you're asking the wrong question. People do that quite a lot."_

Hollis smiled. "Who determines which questions are right and which ones are wrong? I'd like to think that I'm asking a fairly important question. I retired from the Army going on two years ago. I have had only occasional official contact with NCIS and certainly nothing that would warrant a special request of my assistance."

"_You make an excellent case, Col. Mann."_

"I told you. I'm retired."

"_Yes, I'm aware of that, Colonel."_

"So, why me?"

"_I think you would do a good job."_

"Why?"

"_You seem fixated on that question."_

"I didn't get a good reputation by being easy, Director Vance...not in _any_ sense of the word."

There was a genuine chuckle. _"You worked with Agent Gibbs a number of times."_

"Yes, I did."

"_You held your own against him."_

Hollis smiled, a bit ruefully. _If you only knew..._

"I did my job, Director Vance. No more...and no less."

"_Exactly. Running an OSP team is hard work in the best of circumstances. Undercover is a hard job to do, no matter what. It's also become quite high tech, and the team operating right now has worked together for a few years already. That means you have to come into a smoothly operating team and keep it working well without ruining the bonds of trust already formed. It's going to be a hard job."_

"Hard work is fine. I'm not much for the high tech part."

"_You can manage. The others do most of the actual operation of the equipment. What you'll need to know is the capabilities...and that will come quickly."_

"I'm not a mollycoddler."

"_Good."_

"What happened to the current team leader?"

"_She was injured."_

"How badly?"

"_Badly enough that this will more than likely be a permanent position."_

"On duty?"

"_No. Car accident."_ Vance sounded disgusted. _"Drunk driver ran a red light, slammed right into her."_

Hollis sighed. "Those are the worst, I think."

"_Agreed."_

"You never said exactly how my name came up."

"_You never asked how. You asked why."_

"Okay, well, I'm asking how now."

"_Agent Gibbs suggested you, believe it or not."_

Hollis found it hard to believe, but Vance would have no reason to suspect anything about a possible personal relationship between them. That was before his time.

"Why would he do that? Punishment?"

"_Perhaps. He has ties to people on that team, though, so I'd assume he's looking for the best there is."_

"Hmmm."

"_You have some time to make a decision. No reason to rush. The team is actually still recovering from the injury to another member of their team. He is, hopefully, on the mend now."_

"I'll consider it."

"_If you're interested, just make sure you fill out the application. We have to do these things officially."_

"Yes, I know how it works."

"_It was nice to speak with you, Col. Mann."_

"You, too, Director Vance. You'll have my decision within the time limit required." She almost grimaced at the formal speak she'd unconsciously lapsed into. "Bye."

"_Good-bye, Col. Mann."_

Hollis hung up the phone and bit her lip nervously. She wasn't used to feeling so conflicted about a professional decision. Certainly, personal decisions often made her nervous.

_Jethro recommended me._

But why? ...and why, dang it all, did she feel a slight fluttering in her stomach...knowing he at least hadn't forgotten her existence? It was completely and utterly foolish of her to feel anything beyond interest that Jethro had decided to recommend her for a position when he knew she had retired and moved to Lana'i.

Rather than think about that, she turned back to her computer and opened up the entry on to see what the listing said specifically. After that, she began skimming through what she could find on the internet. There wasn't much. Public information about OSP would have to be limited by the very nature of the work they did.

It was an intriguing possibility and she found herself considering the potential of the position before she realized that she was already thinking of it as her job.

With a firm shake of her head, she stood up and changed into her biking clothes. She needed to think about this calmly and rationally. There was no point in rushing into a decision like this. It was too important, not just for her, but also for those people who would be working under her. If they'd gone through as much upheaval as Vance had intimated, then the last thing they'd need was a here-and-gone-again leader. She biked on one of the mountain trails she enjoyed. It was hard and she was puffing by the time she reached the top. Still, it was satisfying to make it all the way. With deep breaths she stared out at the expanse below her, the ocean spreading out to infinity, perhaps a smudge of an atoll out there just at the horizon.

Lana'i was beautiful, just like the first time she'd come and decided that she would retire to a place like this. She smiled at the naivete of her younger self, at the plans she had made all those years ago...but now, was she equally foolish and naive to consider leaving it all behind...just because things hadn't turned out exactly as she had expected? Would returning to work really give her life more meaning? Or was she just trading one glimmering dream for another?

Like Jethro, Hollis knew that she wasn't much for a great deal of self-reflection. There were too many flaws that stood out to appreciate all the time available for thinking about one's motivations. The armed forces had a way of making that secondary to getting things done as safely and efficiently as possible. ...but if there were ever a time for self-reflection, this was it.

_Why does this job tempt me? Director Vance said it would be hard. That's not a problem, but I'm a little old to be starting a whole new career._ Even as she thought that, however, a memory of her mother emerged. It was the last time they'd spoken, just before she'd begun working for CID.

Repairing the fracture, the rift between them had been difficult. It had taken her getting deployed to the Persian Gulf during Desert Storm to get them talking again. Hollis remembered calling her brothers and telling them that she was going to Kuwait. It didn't matter that her position was officially non-combative (no women were deployed in officially combative positions...not that it mattered). She was going to war. They had been supportive but worried...as she herself had been, if she was honest about it. One of them, probably Joey (he'd always been the peacemaker of the family), had called their mother and told her the news.

Hollis would never forget that first conversation, the first in six years. It was horribly awkward, but her mother had asked if that was what she really wanted to do. Hollis had replied that it was. In response, her mother had said that if she was going to go out there, she should make sure to keep her head down. That was all.

Hollis laughed softly to herself, remembering the last conversation she'd had with her mother. The two of them had never been on truly easy terms but they were talking, at least. Cancer had gotten the best of Cherie in the end, wasting her away to little more than a shade. While they were waiting on the appropriate time for final good-byes, there had been one moment when Hollis and her mother were alone in the hospital room.

"_I'm thinking of joining the CID, Mom."_

"_What's that?"_

"_It's a branch of the Army, criminal investigations, part of the military police corps."_

"_You'd still be wearing those unflattering uniforms?"_

_Hollis smiled. "Yes, Mom. Not all the time, but I'd still be in uniform."_

"_You have such a nice build, Hollis. I'll never understand why you insist on hiding it behind those ugly clothes."_

"_We can't all be ballerinas."_

"_Just promise me that you'll wear a dress every once in a while. You have the figure for it. Flaunt it a little."_

"_I promise. I'll flaunt the figure I got from you."_

"_Darn right. How old are you now?"_

"_Almost forty."_

_Cherie shook her head sadly. "So...no grandchildren from you, I guess. Too bad. You got all my genes. You would have had good-looking children."_

"_I know."_

_Cherie closed her eyes and Hollis thought she'd fallen asleep again. It was happening more and more often. It wouldn't be much longer. Suddenly, her eyes opened once more._

"_Why do you persist in it, Hollis?"_

"_Because I fit in. I'm good at what I do and that makes me happy."_

_A withered hand lifted and stroked her cheek. "If it really makes you happy, then I guess I can accept it. You just make sure that you do what makes you happy. Don't trade in for something less." There was a pause and then with a glint of her old spark, she added, "If you're going to disappoint me, Hollis, at least be happy while you're doing it."_

_Hollis laughed although it was also the closest she'd come to crying in years. _

"_I will, Mom. I promise."_

Cherie had died two days later, surrounded by her extended family, her sons and their families...and her lone single daughter. Now, as Hollis stared out at the open expanse, she thought about what would make her the most happy. Would staying here eventually give her the joy she sought? Or would going back to the world she'd left behind give her the chance to find true happiness?

It was more than that, though. There was more bothering her than this decision. It was the reason the choice lay before her in the first place. As much as she didn't want to, she knew that she had to solve that mystery. ...and that meant making a phone call, a call she'd sworn she'd never make. She wouldn't go back on her decision and she would give Jethro the clean break he'd need to completely forget about her. They'd both go on with their lives as if those months had never happened.

It wasn't really necessary to know. She could just make the decision based on the merits of the position. Hollis refused to admit that she might be afraid of speaking to him again. She was a lieutenant-colonel. If she felt fear, it certainly didn't show...and she wouldn't be intimidated by the mere prospect of talking with an old boyfriend. It was just that doing so was unnecessary.

She got back on her bike, made her way down the tricky switchbacks and then rode home, intent on giving herself a couple of days to think. That was all.

...of course, when midnight rolled around and she still wasn't asleep, her mind began to accept that she was worried about messing up the clean break, that she didn't want to take away the chance for them both to move on.

_We can still do that. All I want to know is why he suggested my name in the first place. There's no reason for him to think I'd want or appreciate it. But he did it anyway. I need to know why._

Decision made, Hollis threw off the blanket and stalked to her phone. She hesitated briefly but then she decided that Jethro should be awake anyway...and if he wasn't, well it was his fault she wasn't sleeping either. He'd have to deal with it.

Nodding to herself, she dialed Jethro's number...and was chagrined to realize that she still had it memorized.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

When Jethro picked up (after a few rings), Hollis didn't give him any time to say anything at all. She just launched herself into the conversation.

"Why did you suggest me to Director Vance?"

"_Good morning, Hollis. Nice to talk to you, too. Haven't talked to you for a while. How have you been?"_

Hollis rolled her eyes. If ever there was someone who didn't care for small talk, Jethro was the one.

"Why, Jethro? It's been two years. I'm retired. I was never a part of NCIS. Why would you suggest me for a job like that?"

"_You offended?"_

"Just answer the question."

"_Why does it matter...and matter enough that you're calling me at five a.m. to ask?"_

"It's not five here."

"_Now who's dodging?"_

"I asked you first."

"_What are you, twelve?"_

"No, I'm almost fifty-two years old. I'm retired, and most importantly, I'm a woman who deserves a straight answer."

"_Like you gave me?"_

"Just answer the question, Jethro. I'll hang up and let you go back to your life." She did _not_ want to get into that again.

There was a long pause.

"Why?" she asked again, but this time the overt antagonism, the accusatory tone was gone.

"_Because they deserve the best out there. You could give them that."_

"What makes you think I'd be 'the best' for an NCIS team?"

"_Why did you care enough about this to call me at...what is it out there, midnight?"_

"Because it didn't make any sense to me when Vance told me you made the suggestion...and it doesn't make any sense to me now. We went our separate ways. I don't understand why you would think I'd even be interested."

"_You saying you're not?"_

"Stop answering questions with questions."

"_Then, you answer me. Something not making sense isn't reason enough, not for someone like you, Hol. You're smart enough to think it out...and you're tough enough to put it aside when you can't. So...what is it that made you have to do this...now?"_

Now, it was Hollis' turn to pause. She certainly couldn't tell him how conflicted she was feeling...about everything. ...and being "tough enough" didn't seem as much of a compliment as it had a few years ago.

She settled on answering one of the questions he'd asked...not the one he wanted her to answer. "I gave you a straight answer, Jethro. You didn't want what I wanted. Some women would have been satisfied with what you could give...because a little bit of you is more than all of a lot of other men. I wasn't. I couldn't be. I wasn't willing to compromise as much as I would have had to in order to stay. It would have ended...badly. I didn't want it to end that way."

"_You're so sure it would have?"_

"We were never on the same page, not after the first few months. Heck, we probably weren't even reading the same book." She held back a sigh and kept her calm tone. "We're too much alike, Jethro...neither one willing to give over if we're sure we're right. You couldn't understand why I wouldn't accept what you had to offer. I can't understand why you couldn't offer more."

Another long pause.

"_You didn't say all this before."_

"Yeah, I did...just not in so many words. You're the expert at reading people, Jethro. Surely, I wasn't hard to read. I think you knew me pretty well, knew what I'd say."

"_How much more did you want, Holly?"_

Jethro was the only one (other than her eldest brother) who had ever called her Holly.

"We don't need to go into it again, Jethro. That's not why I called."

"_Is it why you didn't?"_

"I went about things the wrong way, I'll admit that...but while I can accept that you loved your wife and daughter and that you will always love them, I can't accept being shut out."

"_That's–"_

"Jethro, I didn't call to argue with you," Hollis interrupted, going back to business. "I didn't call out of some silly idea that we'd put aside our differences and suddenly get back together. I called because I wanted to know why you put my name forward as a possibility to replace the OSP team leader."

A brief pause. _"I didn't put your name forward, Holly. I put _you_ forward."_

Hollis sat down on her bed, annoyed that Jethro could still make her cry. _Stupid, get over it. It's over you._

"_Maybe you're right. Maybe we couldn't have made it."_

A deep breath, intent on not letting her emotions out. Jethro was staying stoic. So could she.

"I was surprised I was even taking up space in your mind. We had a clean break. No loose ends, nothing to cause bitterness, anger. Just acceptance that we weren't right for each other."

She heard a short laugh. _"How clean was the break, Hollis? Really."_

"Clean enough."

"_How much more did you want?"_

"Jethro, I won't do this. It's no good digging up the past. You were right about that much."

"_No. I was wrong. I was wrong to hide away my family as if I was ashamed of having lost them. I was wrong to assume that they were mine to keep to myself and not let anyone know the...the beauty of what I had."_

This was not like the Jethro she had left behind two years ago...but he could still wring a few tears from her eyes. The last man who had been able to make her cry was her father...when he left... for the last time. Even then, the tears hadn't lasted long. She'd had older brothers to take his place. She wiped them away.

"I spent more than half my life trying to find someplace I fit. That's what I'm looking for. That's what I want...and I can't fit if I'm being pushed away. We all have parts of our lives that are hard to deal with. People who lo–...who care for each other don't push each other away. That's how much more I wanted...and how much more you couldn't give." She laughed a bit sadly. "Sometimes...it's just how life goes. You win some. You lose some."

"_I think you'd fit in at OSP, Holly. You should try it out."_

Hollis sat on her bed for a few seconds before she answered...without answering.

"Thanks for the recommendation, Jethro. I'll...take it under advisement. ...and thank you for answering my question. I appreciate it." Formal speech to keep herself from actually saying anything.

"_Bye, Hollis."_

"Bye, Jethro." She hung up the phone, dropped it gently on the bed and sighed, running her hands through her hair.

"So much for being over him," she said to herself, grimacing. "So much for the clean break."

Still, she didn't cry again. Instead, she exercised the strength Jethro had ascribed to her and went to bed.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

The birds didn't wake her up. Hollis was awake long before they had left their nests. It was by design, however. She wanted to know what kinds of birds she'd been hearing for the last two years. Why now, she couldn't answer.

Quietly, she got out of bed, threw on her running clothes and went out into her backyard. She had a book of Hawaiian birds...and after an hour of waiting, she was disappointed to discover that most of the birds she'd been hearing were types like skylarks, doves...introduced species, not native Hawaiian birds. She found what she thought must be a Japanese white-eye, but again it was an introduced species. She hadn't seen most of the birds she found before...but she'd been subconsciously expecting to see the unique birds that apparently populated...the rest of Hawaii. Hollis smiled to herself at her silly thought and went out front to wait for her running buddies.

To her surprise (and slight relief), only Lani came up the sidewalk at their running time.

"Where are the others?" Hollis asked.

"Kareem called me and said that he got an interview. I guess he's gussying himself up for the occasion, and Lisa's mom is sick; so she had to stay in. Just you and me, today, kid. You want to set the pace? You rarely get to."

Hollis considered that option. It was tempting. She really wanted to have a hard run and while the running group kept her in shape and was fun, she rarely felt challenged. Her mind was such that she knew that if she set the pace, they'd be covering a lot more ground.

"Probably not a good idea," she said. "I'd leave you in the dust."

"You sure about that?" Lani asked archly.

"I'm no Kareem, Lani. If I set the pace today, not even you would be able to keep up for long."

"That fast?"

"I never could manage running with a group before I retired." She smiled. "We wouldn't be able to have any sort of conversation."

"Okay, why don't I start us off and then I'll let you get out some of your...whatever...and you can set the pace. I'll tell you when I've had enough."

"You sure?"

"Definitely."

Without another word, Lani took off, the pace faster than they usually took but still not nearly as fast as Hollis would have liked. They ran side by side for about fifteen minutes before Lani gestured that Hollis could speed up if she wanted. Hollis gave her a silent questioning glance and received a nod. Instantly, she increased her pace, feeling herself stretch for the wall...it was something she hadn't done while running in over a year. She'd been content with the morning jogs. Not this morning. She wanted more than that. She wanted to see how far, how fast and how long she could go. That was what her runs had always been in the past. Pushing herself farther and farther, trying to find her limit. It allowed her to push away anything other than the exhilaration. No decisions, no regrets...just the run.

All too soon, she heard Lani's voice...from well behind her.

"All right, Hollis. You can slow down now. I give up!"

Hollis slowed her pace abruptly and looked back over her shoulder, with a grin.

Panting heavily, she said, "I told you."

"So you did. Let's take it slow now, shall we?"

"All right."

They jogged very slowly all the way back to their neighborhood. When they reached Hollis' house, and they began to walk, Lani looked at Hollis shrewdly.

"Get it out of your system?"

Hollis smiled and shook her head. "No, but it felt pretty good. Maybe I'll do the Munro Trail...burn off some of my excess energy."

"I have a better idea. Get yourself cleaned up and come over to my place. We'll have a chat...maybe some tea."

"Tea? It's the middle of summer."

"Iced tea, then," Lani said, smiling. "I insist."

With a deep breath, Hollis nodded, although she had an idea of what the topic of conversation would be...and she wasn't sure she really wanted to talk about it. Still, she hadn't had someone she could really confide in for a long time. It might be nice.

"Give me..."

"Take an hour. Relax, Hol."

"I'll work on that. I'm retired, after all. Isn't that what retirement is all about?"

Lani patted her cheek. "Just come on over when you're ready, Hollis."

Hollis felt unexpected tears prick her eyelids and she smiled before turning away quickly, suddenly reminded of her own mother. She walked back toward her house.

She cleared her throat and called over her shoulder. "I'll be there." Then, she broke into a quick sprint that brought her to her own front door in record time...before the tears could actually fall. She wasn't much of a crier; so Hollis wasn't sure what was making her feel like she wanted to cry now of all the times that she could have chosen.

Firmly, she swallowed the tears and walked to her bathroom. Not wanting to waste water, she showered as efficiently as ever, but then, took her time getting ready for the day. Lani had said an hour. An hour was what she'd take. Wrapped in a towel, she stood in front of her closet, looking at her clothes. She felt a sudden urge to wear a skirt.

"For you, Mom," she said with a small smile and pulled it off its hanger.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"I don't think I've ever seen you in a skirt before, Hollis," Lani said in surprise.

"I don't wear them often. Just felt in the mood for it today."

"It suits you."

Hollis smiled. "Yeah, I know."

"Well, come on in. I just finished making my world-famous pineapple iced tea."

"World famous?"

"Well...my children live in a few different countries. They all like it." She grinned mischievously. "I'm technically being accurate."

"Okay, then. I can hardly say no."

"That's right. You can't. Have a seat. I'll bring over a couple of glasses."

"You want some help?"

"No, I don't. Sit down, Hollis." The twinkle in Lani's eyes made it impossible to take her gruff tone seriously...but Hollis obeyed the command.

Moments later, there were two glasses of pineapple iced tea on the table. Hollis looked at hers. She'd never been much of a tea person...not in any form, but it didn't look like it would be bad...and the aroma was quite nice.

"Now, Hollis, you tell me what's going on."

Hollis sighed, smiled and then took a quick drink of the tea.

"This is pretty good."

"World famous. Don't try and change the subject. I'm not the only one who's noticed, you know. The last couple of months, you've been different. This morning, you were so tightly-wound I'm amazed you didn't launch into orbit."

Hollis laughed. "I was probably pretty close."

"What's the trouble, dear?"

"No trouble," Hollis lied, "just an unexpected decision."

"About what?"

"I've been offered a job."

"I'm guessing it's not local."

"No. Los Angeles, heading up an investigative team."

"That's what you were doing before, wasn't it?"

"More or less."

"So, when are you leaving?"

"I don't know if I am yet. I haven't decided."

Lani smiled and shook her head. "Oh, yes, you have. You probably decided as soon as it was offered to you. Now, you're just trying to see if there's anything holding you back." She paused. "Is there?"

"It's beautiful here. Just like I dreamed it would be when I first decided that I wanted to retire to this place."

"Yes, it is...but you're not really happy, Hollis. You never have been. You've been _trying_ to be happy, but you're not."

Hollis took another drink and then looked at Lani. "You're right. I'm not."

Lani sighed sympathetically. "This isn't the life for everyone, you know. It's no crime if you're not one who can adjust to the pace here. It's slow...like Kareem."

Hollis laughed briefly. "It's not the life here, not really. It's _my_ life." She looked out the window at the palm trees. "When I planned on coming here...I never planned on coming alone. In my mind there was always someone else with me."

"This man you were with?"

"Not necessarily. The dream of moving here came a long time ago. I had a huge fight with my mother, stormed out of the house and splurged on a plane ticket to Hawaii...just to prove to her that I knew what I wanted." Hollis laughed at herself. "Some proof. I ended up here and...and I loved it. I thought this island was so beautiful. The people were friendly. I told myself that wherever I ended up in my life, I'd retire to Lana'i. I just also thought that I'd have someone to come with me."

"What's his name?"

"Jethro."

"That's different."

"So is he," Hollis said expressively. "He's the one who suggested me for this job, actually."

"He's in LA?"

"No. No, he's in DC...where I was."

"You still love him?"

Hollis shook herself. "It doesn't matter. Life isn't a fairytale. The prince and princess don't always end up together. Real life has a lot more complications."

"What are _your _complications?"

"Lani, why are you asking?"

"Because I'm a nosy old woman," Lani retorted but she smiled gently. "...and I think you need the chance to talk to someone. I'm not your mother but..."

"I wouldn't have talked to my mother about this."

"Fought with her a lot, did you?"

"Yeah. It took me going to war to get us talking again. We never saw things the same way. ...but she did want me to be happy." Hollis shook her head in frustration as the tears came to her eyes again. "She did her best, raising us all...basically by herself."

"Your father? Divorced?"

"My parents never married. It was a great scandal," Hollis said, melodramatically, and wiped the tears away. "My father would show up when he wanted to, stick around for a few months, maybe as long as a year and then disappear again...usually right before another sibling would come along. Mom always took him back every time he came around. When he was there, he was a good father. Attentive, loving...but most of the time, he wasn't there. Last time I saw him was forty years ago. I looked him up when I went to college, but I never went to see him. He'd left us behind. I didn't want to know why, if he had another family somewhere and we were just the illegitimate children of an unfaithful man or if he was some sort of career criminal. I thought of the worst it could be...and decided it wasn't worth knowing. My older brothers took his place anyway. I think Marty had the hardest time. He was the youngest. I was second youngest with three older brothers. The only girl for my mother to dote over. ...and I didn't want to be the proper young lady she wanted me to be, the kind of lady she herself wanted to be."

"So instead you joined the army, huh."

"Yeah. ...and even now I'm surprised at how well it turned out. For someone who joined because she was bitter, I sure found my place."

"You were in the Persian Gulf, then?"

"Yeah."

"In combat?"

"Not officially," Hollis said, with a smile.

"Which means you were."

"No women were officially supposed to be in combat."

"Tell me."

"I didn't know you were so bloodthirsty, Lani," Hollis said with a smile.

"Did you ever get a chance to tell war stories?"

"Jason...my oldest brother, he asked. No one else wanted to know what their little sister had been doing."

"Well?"

"I only fought a few times out there. I was trained for combat...but it's nothing compared to being in it. We were told that we weren't supposed to be in combat positions, but it's not like the Iraqi army was going to look through their binoculars, see a bunch of females and say, 'Oh, look; there are women down there. They're not supposed to fight. I guess we'll find someone else to ambush.'"

"You were ambushed?"

"Yeah. Supply route. We were being transferred and they came out of nowhere it seemed." Hollis began, absently tracing the lip of her glass with a finger. "It was one of the most frightening moments in my life...but it was also defining for me. I'd been in the Army for five years by that time...and by being in that battle, killing those attacking us...and watching people around me also being taken down...I found that I was equal to it. We fought them until backup came and the Iraqis tried to retreat. Once they were outnumbered, they weren't interested anymore. When it was over...it was almost exhilarating. I can't say I _enjoyed_ it, but it was satisfying to know that I'd found something I could do...and do well. I could have left the Army after that, found a different job...but I couldn't, not when I'd found the place where I fit in."

Hollis looked down at herself and laughed.

"Do you know how surreal it is to tell you about being in combat while wearing a skirt?"

Lani laughed as well. "I'm sure you are just as adept at handling a gun in a skirt as in combat fatigues."

"You better believe it."

Suddenly, Lani laughed and shook her finger at Hollis. "You're pretty devious, Hollis."

Hollis put on an innocent expression. "I don't know what you mean."

"Distracting me from my question by answering other ones."

"Evasion doesn't seem like evasion if you're still answering questions."

"No more evasion. What happened with you and Jethro? You said you did the leaving. Why?"

"We wouldn't have worked out. I could see it."

"So you broke up?"

"Yeah."

"How did you know you wouldn't work out?"

Hollis leaned back in the chair. "Do you really think this is necessary?"

"Yes. I'm not even going to ask why you would think it wasn't. I'm staying focused this time. You're not going to distract me with other fascinating bits of your life."

Hollis laughed again. "I could tell you some doozies."

"Later."

"He'd been married before. Four times, in fact."

"Oh."

"The first one..."

"Bad, was it?"

"No. That's the problem. His first marriage was the one he wanted...but his wife and daughter were murdered while he was deployed." Hollis sighed. "I suppose his other marriages were attempts to get that again...but they didn't work out. It's...He never told me about them, but I could always sense that there was something he was holding back. I probed sometimes, but he'd never say. So...me being the person I am, I decided that I deserved to know. If he wouldn't tell me, I'd ask others. He found out that I'd been sneaking around behind his back. He wasn't happy about it. Deservedly so."

"So you broke up?"

"No, actually. We worked it out...more or less." Hollis gave a half smile. "It was a...a problem that...it just couldn't go away. He still held me away from those parts of him that, I guess, were too painful for him still. I understand why he was doing that, but I can't be on the outside. I can't be held at arm's length, not from someone I care about. I _never_ expected him to forget about them. I would never have done that. If he could just have let me in..." She took a deep breath. "But he couldn't. I would have had to compromise, to give up on what I wanted in order to stay. Neither of us could take the steps required to meet in the middle."

"So instead, you compromised to come here."

"I didn't. This is what I wanted."

"Not quite, Hollis. You said that you'd always planned on having someone else. You compromised by coming here alone."

"...and to think I promised my mom I'd never settle for something that wouldn't make me happy."

"And you were hoping that he'd agree with you, weren't you."

"Yeah. I naively expected a fairytale ending. We'd had a fight once before. I'll admit that the fighting part was mostly on my side. I misread something and ran off at the mouth before he explained what he'd been doing. I recognized, then, that I'd made a mistake. I said I felt stupid. He agreed and said that I'd sounded stupid."

"Nice guy."

"He was right. I can't tell you how happy I was at that moment, though. Knowing that I was wrong, that he wasn't going to up and leave because I'd been...stupid."

"Not the last time, though?"

"Nope. He didn't say anything...in that way he has. He just stares, as if he expects you to say his lines. I didn't. I said my piece, waited...and when he said nothing, I left."

"You still love him?" Lani asked again.

"Yeah," Hollis admitted with a soft sigh. "Yes, I still love him. It's stupid that, of all the men I've dated in my life, the one man I can't get over is the one I can't have. It's like some silly teenage romance...only without the happy ending. Neither of us could change."

"You're saying you haven't changed in the last couple of years?"

"No, I have. Actually, so has he. I talked with him this morning...or rather in _his_ morning."

"How late in the morning was it?"

"Five a.m." Hollis smiled.

"Evil woman."

"He was keeping me awake. He deserved it."

"And he's changed?"

"He sounded different. Whatever things have been happening in his life over the past couple of years...they've changed him."

"Enough?"

Hollis laughed incredulously. "I don't know. I didn't ask. That wasn't why I called him."

"Afraid?"

"No."

"Be honest, Hollis. If this Jethro called you up and said he wanted to try again...wouldn't you agree?"

Hollis was silent for a few seconds before she shrugged. "I'd want to. I would _want_ to agree to try. I'd want to believe it was possible."

"But you don't?"

"It was so nice having someone who was on equal footing with me. Too many men are intimidated by a woman who can kick their butt. Jethro never was. Probably because _he_ could have kicked _my_ butt."

"You ever try it?"

"Sparring? Are you kidding? We'd have killed each other. ...or else I'd have killed him because he would have held back a bit in the beginning...and I wouldn't have."

"Why not?"

"He's a chauvinist to a degree. Don't hit women. Respect them. All very good traits. He wouldn't have held back a lot, but enough because, while he was raised to be a gentleman to some degree, my mother never succeeded in making me a lady. I was too used to having to give my all and more in order to compete on equal standing with my fellow soldiers. If we'd sparred... It's a good thing we didn't." She laughed at the image she could see in her head.

"Maybe you should have."

"No. Definitely not."

"So...are you going to take the job?"

"I don't know."

"Are you going to talk to Jethro again?"

Hollis smiled. "No. I don't think it would be a good idea."

"You could ask him yourself..."

"No. I asked him once. That's enough. I'm not going to be the kind of person who doesn't let things just end."

"But are you _letting_ them end...or are you _ending_ them yourself?"

"Very gnomic."

"You're evading again."

"Just staying out of the line of fire."

"You don't seem like the kind of person who would give up so easily."

Hollis shook her head. "It wasn't easy, but I had to decide if I was going to hold on to something I had no hope of changing or if I was going to cut my losses. I chose to cut my losses."

"What if he wanted to talk to you?"

"He wouldn't. That's not Jethro's style."

"You said he's changed."

"Not that much. He wouldn't come and beg. He's not a lap dog."

"Would he have to?"

"No. He wouldn't...but I think I'd check for Armageddon if he showed up at my door and told me he wanted to try again."

"And if he did?"

Hollis looked at Lani and thought about it for a few seconds...not that she really needed to. She knew the answer.

"Hollis?"

"If he did...I'd say yes."

"So...when are you leaving?"

"I don't have to make a decision yet."

"But you already have...and you know it."

Hollis smiled helplessly. It was true. From the moment she'd received that email, she had known that there was no way she could pass up the chance...to escape from her self-imposed exile.

"Basically, it would have to be right away."

"Fools rush in?"

"That's what I'm afraid of. I don't want to make it more difficult for people who are already having a difficult time."

"Well, I won't push you, but you make sure that you stop in before leaving...because _I_ know you're going to go."

"All right, Lani."

"Now, you go and...do whatever."

Hollis finished off her ice tea and laughed. "I will. Maybe I'll trip the light fantastic...or just trip. That would work, too."

"You just figure out how to make yourself happy."

"Lani, if I could do that, I wouldn't have this dilemma at all."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Hollis held out for another day before giving in to what she (and Lani) knew was going to happen. The next morning, after another run...it had been slow-paced. Kareem was back and glum because he didn't get the job he'd interviewed for. Lisa hadn't been there because her mom was still sick. Lani had stopped in the evening before to make sure everything was all right. After that, she had avoided Lani's knowing look and gone inside. She hadn't even taken the time to shower first. Instead, she got online, filled out the application, submitted and then called Director Vance. It took next to no time at all to get to him.

"_Col. Mann?"_

"I submitted my application this morning."

"_Excellent. I'm very pleased that you accepted the offer."_

"You might regret it later."

"_I don't think I will."_

"So, what now?"

"_Now, I'd like to ask you to come to DC. We can get all the technical stuff out of the way and you and I can have the official interview, give us both a chance to change our minds. You'll get a chance to be updated on the methods and history of OSP. Then, you and I will fly to LA and I'll introduce you to your new team."_

"When will all this happen?"

"_How soon can you get here?"_

"Depends on how much you're willing to pay for a plane ticket," Hollis said, smiling to herself.

"_Of course NCIS will foot the bill for your flight. Why don't you come in a couple of days? No need to rush since we can't close the job opening announcement until next week anyway."_

"All right. I'll fly in Wednesday."

"_Good. I'll see you then. Just report to Headquarters when you arrive. It would be helpful if I had an itinerary; so I know when to slot you in."_

"I'll check out the flights this evening and let you know."

"_Thank you, Col. Mann. I look forward to meeting you."_

"Likewise." It was true. Hollis was curious to meet this man who seemed so privately amused by so many things.

"_Good-bye, Col. Mann."_

"Bye." She hung up the phone and instantly got back onto the internet and checked out flight times, smiling at her actions. She felt nothing but a slight attack of nervous anticipation. No regrets...except about leaving this house and her friends behind. Still, it wasn't like she could never come back. People did that, right? Had vacation homes? Granted those people weren't generally people like Hollis, but it was possible. Maybe she could rent it out.

Even as those thoughts ran through her head, she found a flight leaving Lana'i on Wednesday morning...and getting to DC on Thursday. That would be about the best she could do. It didn't help that she was shifting five hours later in addition to flying 5,000 miles to get there. Well, that was going to be the least of her difficulties; so she booked the flight and sent the itinerary off to Director Vance. It was only a couple of hours later that she received a reply, telling her to not worry about coming to NCIS until Friday and to take a day to adjust. She appreciated it, but that meant she had a day with nothing to do.

Her treacherous mind conjured the image of her going to Jethro's house.

_No. No way. Not in a million years, not for a million dollars._ She pushed the image away, although it didn't fade completely.

Instead, she picked up the phone.

"Hey, Lani. You were right. I'm taking the job."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

The next morning, she woke up extremely early...even before the sun had risen, and packed her clothes. She paused briefly on her uniform and was half-tempted to wear it again, but fought the temptation. She wasn't in the Army anymore. Instead, she packed a couple of nicer outfits, one casual outfit...and one skirt.

The birds started chirping as she finished and she smiled at the sound. Hollis put on her running clothes and went out to wait for her running buddies, knowing that this would be the last time...for a long time if not forever that she'd go running with them. That had the power to make her a little sad about it.

"Last day, Hollis?" Kareem asked.

"Yeah. Looks like the vacation is over."

Lisa was trying to act like she didn't care, but she looked sad.

"Going to miss me, Lisa?" Hollis asked, smiling.

She shrugged. "I'm not starting college until fall. I can't get away from my little brothers and sisters all the rest of the summer."

"You could keep running without me, you know. Kareem still isn't in good enough shape to keep up with Lani."

"Ha ha."

Hollis grinned. "I will miss running with you guys, though. It's the first time since basic training that I could handle running in a group."

"In honor of your returning to the so-called 'real world,'" Kareem said, "why don't you set the pace today?"

"You sure about that, Kareem? You're risking a pulled muscle or two."

"I trust you not to leave us all behind," he said, smiling impudently.

The last time she had set the pace for everyone, Kareem had been limping for a week. Lani looked at her with a pseudo-worried expression, remembering their last run together.

"If you're sure..."

"Lead off, Lt. Mann!"

"I'm not going to be a lieutenant, Kareem. NCIS is a civilian agency. Besides, I was a lieutenant colonel!" Then, she took off, but to her own surprise (as well as the others), she felt no desire to set a fast pace. Instead, she chose one that would satisfy her own desire for exercise but would not stretch the others unduly. Kareem was puffing hard by the end but he'd kept up the entire way.

"I didn't think you had it in you, Hol," Lani said when they reached their block once again.

"Surprised myself."

"I'm still tired," Kareem panted.

"Me, too, but I'm okay," Lisa agreed.

They slowed to a walk. When they reached Lisa's house, they paused to separate but Lisa surprised all of them, not least of which Hollis, by hugging her.

"I'll miss you, Hollis."

Hollis' eyes were wide with something akin to shock as she stared over Lisa's shoulder at Lani and Kareem. After a moment, she returned the hug.

"I'll...miss you, too, Lisa. I hope I'll get back here a few times...and I'll have to come back at least to pack."

"It won't be the same."

"Yeah, it'll be a lot slower," she said, trying to keep this from becoming any more emotional than it already was.

Lisa let her go and seemed a bit embarrassed by the show of emotion.

"I'll miss you, too, Hollis. I'm in much better shape than I would have been otherwise," Kareem said, shaking her hand, then, to her surprise (again), he brought it to his lips and gave it a gentlemanly kiss.

Hollis laughed and blushed at the treatment. Lisa laughed too and then waved at her mother who was standing at the door.

"Bye, Hollis! Have a safe flight!"

"I will, Lisa. Thanks." Hollis waved at Lisa's mother with the hand that she'd freed from Kareem's grasp.

"Kareem, why aren't you married yet?" Lani asked as they continued on their way. "The world needs more gentleman like you."

"Yes, and unfortunately, you're a bit young for me," Hollis said, trying to shake off her surprise.

"Women do traditionally live longer than men," Kareem said, smiling.

"Not by more than 20 years, Kareem. I'm old enough to be your mother."

They paused at Lani's house again.

"Well, can't say I didn't try." He bowed to the two women, but then grew serious. "I'll echo Lisa's wishes for a safe flight...and because I'm older than she is and more aware, I'll also wish you happiness, Hollis. You deserve it."

"Thank you, Kareem. I wish you luck as well...both in women _and_ in your choice of occupation."

He grinned and trotted off down the street.

"I think he might have had a genuine little crush on you, Hollis," Lani said.

"He's much too young for me."

"Perhaps. Well, I have something for you."

"What's that?"

"Don't tell Kareem, but I actually _do_ knit...and cross-stitch."

"Lani, how could you be so stereotypical?" Hollis asked with a smile.

"It's our little secret."

"Of course. My lips are sealed."

"Good. Now, I know you and you'll understand it. Lisa wouldn't...but then, she doesn't need it."

"What does this have to do with cross-stitching?"

"Come inside and see."

"All right." Hollis followed Lani into her house and then, paused just inside the door, conscious of how dirty and smelly she was. Lani always kept her house immaculate.

"Oh, come inside, dingy. I'm not afraid of a little dirt."

Hollis smiled at the epithet and walked into the small parlor.

"This is for you."

Stretched inside a frame was a cross-stitched poem. It must have taken days. There were designs all over it, delicate flowers...and the kinds of plants she had only seen here.

"Lani...I..." Hollis began and couldn't finish.

"No, don't go getting all excited," Lani said, her eyes twinkling. "I've been thinking about what you might be needing...and this seemed to be it. Seems even more important now that you're leaving. I don't want you forgetting us."

Hollis carefully set the frame on the floor and then hugged Lani tightly.

"I would never forget you," she said. "For the first time, I'm wondering if I made a mistake in deciding to go."

Lani stepped back and shook her head firmly.

"No, Hollis. You go home and you read that poem. You know that this is what you should be doing. This is right for you."

Hollis wiped away the tears that had come to her eyes.

"Thank you...thank you, Lani."

"Well, go on. You're not going to start a new chapter of your life crying in my parlor."

Hollis laughed.

"Thank you, Lani."

"You're welcome." Lani hugged Hollis and then whispered softly. "Aloha."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

That night, Hollis sat, looking at the cross-stitch Lani had made for her. It was beautiful...but the words of the poem were what really grabbed her attention...as they were supposed to, she was sure. Lani never did anything by halves.

_Begin Again  
__by Susan Coolidge_

_Every day is a fresh beginning,  
__Every day is the world made new;  
__You who are weary of sorrow and sinning,  
__Here is a beautiful hope for you–  
__A hope for me and a hope for you._

_All the past things are past and over,  
__The tasks are done and the tears are shed;  
__Yesterday's errors let yesterday cover;  
__Yesterday's wounds, which smarted and bled,  
__Are healed with the healing which night has shed._

_Yesterday now is a part of forever,  
__Bound up in a sheaf, which God holds tight;  
__With glad days, and sad days, and bad days which never  
__Shall visit us more with their bloom and their blight,  
__Their fullness of sunshine or sorrowful night._

_Let them go, since we cannot relieve them,  
__Cannot undo and cannnot atone;  
__God in His mercy, receive, forgive them;  
__Only the new days are our own,  
__Today is ours, and today alone._

_Every day is a fresh beginning;  
__Listen, my soul, to the glad refrain,  
__And, spite of old sorrow and older sinning,  
__And puzzles forecasted and possible pain  
__Take heart with the day, and begin again._

As she read and reread those words, Hollis found herself wishing that it was small enough to pack into her bag. It wasn't. It was much too large for that. Still, she promised herself that wherever she ended up living and for however long she stayed, she would put that poem up first of all her unpacking.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"_We are beginning our descent into Dulles. Please be sure that your seatbacks and tray tables are in their upright and locked positions."_

Hollis made no movement. She had been sitting bolt upright for the last hour, staring out the window, watching for her first glimpse of DC. She'd lived there for over a decade and it had become her home. She was actually eager to see it again.

"Been on vacation?"

She jumped a little and looked at her neighbor. "You might say that."

"What else might I say?" the man asked with a leering smile.

She shrugged. "I'm sure you could say a lot of things." Then, she looked back out the window.

"Getting back to your family?"

"No. Job interview," she answered reluctantly. The man had a suggestive tone and she didn't particularly enjoy being propositioned, especially not when they were in close quarters and she couldn't give the kind of _physical_ reply she'd like to.

"For what job?" he pressed.

She turned and looked at the man. He was probably around her age...and he was wearing a wedding ring. Still, there was no mistaking the expression on his face or his body language. That made his overtures even more distasteful and she was tempted to give the kind of response her mind was supplying, close quarters or not.

She looked him straight in the eye, reached out and grabbed his left hand by the ring finger and said, "I'm a divorce lawyer...and I eat men like you for breakfast."

"Hey!" he protested loudly, drawing the attention of the people around them.

Hollis let go of his hand, smiled sweetly and resumed looking out the window. She heard the man mutter an epithet under his breath. Not one to let that go, she leaned over and whispered in his ear.

"I have access to the kind of people who can look up your information and the information of anyone you've ever met...including your wife. If you are interested in preserving your marriage...and your manhood, you'll keep a civil tongue in your head and your hands to yourself. Got that?"

There was no response, but the man was silent for the rest of the descent. Nor did he say anything to her when they landed. Rather, he grabbed his carry-ons as quickly as he could and got as far ahead of her as possible when the deplaning began. Hollis remained in her seat until everyone else got off around her. The flight attendant stopped her as she stood to go.

"Are you all right, ma'am?"

"What?" Hollis asked.

"You seemed to be having an argument."

Hollis chuckled. "Oh...um...that man was trying to make me an offer that I wanted to refuse...violently. I just had to make it clear that I wasn't interested."

"What was he–?" She broke off at Hollis' raised eyebrows. "Oh. I hope you had a nice flight."

"More or less."

"I hope you fly with us again."

"I may do so. You don't control the personality of the people who fly...and I'm more than able to deal with it myself."

"I guess so. Have a nice day, ma'am."

"You, too."

Hollis got off the plane with her bag over her shoulder. As she walked out of the secure area, she caught a glimpse of her seat partner. He noticed her and sped up as he walked out of the terminal. Hollis chuckled to herself and then yawned. She'd been flying for much too long. Going to her hotel sounded like a good plan.

"Hollis?"

At the voice, she froze and then turned to the side. There he was, large as life...looking just the same, perhaps slightly older...very slightly.

She cleared her throat. "Jethro. What brings you here?"

"I thought you might need a ride."

"How did you even know I was coming?"

"Vance mentioned that you had accepted."

"How did you know my itinerary? I'm guessing he didn't tell you that," she said, but then continued, "You got your Agent McGee to do it, didn't you."

Jethro didn't answer...not that she had really expected him to. It wasn't his style.

"You need a ride?"

"Sure."

He gestured and she followed, wondering what in the world she was thinking to be accepting his offer. This screamed _awkward_. Still, taxis weren't cheap.

"Shouldn't you be out catching bad guys?"

"They can do without me for a couple of hours."

When they reached his car, Hollis had to give Jethro a second glance to make sure they were really stopping in the right place.

"This is your car?"

"Yep."

"Okay, then." She'd never pegged him for a hotrod-type guy.

Jethro pulled out of the parking spot and they started to drive.

"Here's the address of my hotel."

"Yeah, I know that place. It's not bad."

"I'm glad it meets your approval," Hollis said and then regretted being so sarcastic. Jethro, typically, didn't respond to it.

They rode in an awkward silence for a bit longer.

"You look good, Holly."

Hollis looked out the window. "Thanks."

Silence descended once more.

"How's your team doing? Still the same?"

"No." His voice took on the closed-off tone that had so frustrated her.

_Don't address it. You're not dating him anymore. You're not even friends. It's none of your business. Let it go._

It took some doing to let it pass, though. Hollis had to bite her tongue.

"Ziva's back in Israel again. Might never come back."

Shocked that he'd elaborated, Hollis looked at Jethro and let the question out before she could censor it. "Why?"

Another long silence. She turned back to the window.

"She felt betrayed...by people here, people there. She couldn't figure out for herself where she wanted to be. Haven't heard from her in a couple of months."

"You're worried."

A pause. "Yeah."

"Who's taken her place? That Agent Lee in Legal?"

"No." His hands tightened on the steering wheel.

This time, he didn't elaborate...and Hollis didn't press, didn't say another word until they reached her hotel.

"Thanks for the ride, Jethro."

"You want a lift to NCIS tomorrow?"

"No," she said, firmly. "I remember the way. I can make it there myself."

There was a brief smile on his lips and he nodded.

"Thank you...Jethro. It was...nice to see you again." _Hollis, that has got to be the worst lie you've ever told. You could lie better when you were six years old._

"Right. See you around, Holly."

"Unlikely, Jethro. You'll be working...and so will I, soon enough." Then, she closed the door before the conversation could get any worse. As she walked into the hotel, she could feel his eyes on her but refused to turn around and verify it.

"Ma'am? Ma'am?"

Hollis blinked and realized she was standing at the check-in counter, staring at the clerk.

"Yes, sorry. I have a reservation."

"Name?"

"Hollis Mann. Two n's."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

The next morning, Hollis woke up...much too early by her own body clock, but she'd slept enough to feel alert. A quick shower helped her wake up more. She took her time getting ready and felt a little strange knowing that she was getting ready for a meeting and wearing such casual clothes...even if they were nice. Formal, in her past experience, meant a uniform more often than not.

The hotel had a complimentary breakfast which she took advantage of before heading out of the hotel. Jethro wasn't there waiting for her. She had subconsciously been expecting it and was annoyed at herself for doing so. Instead, she went out to the sidewalk and hailed a taxi.

"Where to?"

"Washington Navy Yard, please."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

As she walked into the main entrance of NCIS, Hollis felt as nervous as she had 24 years ago when walking into the recruitment office to join the Army. It was a feeling of standing on the edge of the high dive, not really knowing how to dive, just hoping that she'd hit the water in a way that wouldn't be too painful. However, as nervous as she felt, she also had years of practice in hiding her nerves, in hiding many of her emotions, truth be known, and so there wasn't even the slightest hint of a tremor in her hands or her voice as she took her visitor's pass and stepped through the security check.

Thankfully, there was no one in the elevator and she sent it up to the third floor. When she stepped out, Hollis couldn't help looking down on the bullpen, just to see who was down there. She remembered the two younger men she could see. Agent McGee was hard at work at something on his computer. Agent DiNozzo was also staring at his computer screen, but he didn't look as though he was actually taking anything in. At the desk formerly occupied by Officer David, sat a woman...wearing a face mask. Hollis allowed herself a moment of confusion before walking along the balcony toward the Director's office. It was a long walk.

"Yes?" the man who must be Loren asked.

"I'm Hollis Mann. I have an appointment with Director Vance." Dropping her title from her name felt strange in this context.

"Yes, that's fine. It will be only a moment."

Right as Loren spoke the words, the door to Vance's office opened and Jethro walked out, followed by the man who must be Director Vance. Hollis stood and made sure to keep her expression neutral.

"Director Vance?" she asked, deliberately looking past Jethro.

"Col. Mann," Vance said, his eyes twinkling just slightly. "You remember Agent Gibbs?"

The irony of that statement made both Hollis and Jethro smile briefly.

"Yes, I remember."

Vance looked between the two of them, obviously wondering about the reaction, but, to his credit, he said nothing and did not drop his expression of welcome.

"If that's all, Agent Gibbs, I have an appointment."

Jethro didn't reply but he did rest his gaze on Hollis for just long enough as he walked by that she almost flushed.

"Jethro," she said levelly.

"Hollis." Then, he was gone.

"Come in, please, Col. Mann."

"I'm not a colonel anymore, Director Vance."

"That's true, but until you are officially hired, I can't call you Agent Mann."

Hollis smiled and sat in the chair Vance pointed to.

"All right, any questions to begin?"

"I'm sure I'll have some by the end, but at the moment, I need more information before I can ask intelligent questions."

"No second thoughts?"

Hollis shook her head. "None as yet. Fire away, Director Vance. I can take it."

She could see that she'd struck the right tone with him as he began to ask her questions about her background, her abilities, her interests. It relaxed her enough that the nerves she'd felt before disappeared. She hadn't lied before. There were no second thoughts, but now, she was beginning to feel like she'd made the right decision...both for herself _and_ for the people in OSP.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Hollis spent the next two days reading files on the OSP team, on their missions, on their capabilities, everything she could get her hands on. It kept her mind blissfully occupied...which meant that she wasn't thinking of anyone else. If Vance was surprised at her single-minded investigation, he didn't say anything about it to her, only that they would be flying out to Los Angeles the next week to meet the team. They'd have a trial period to see if everyone was going to fit and then, her status would simply be changed over to team leader, understanding that if, by some miracle, Macy recovered and wished to resume her position, that it _was_ still her team...which gave Hollis the perfect excuse to keep her house on Lana'i.

She saw nothing more of Jethro while preparing for her new job, a fact which both relieved and disappointed her. That dichotomy was kind of annoying as well. It was as if she somehow wanted it both ways. As she got ready for bed the night before she was to fly out to LA, there was a part of her that wanted to see him, that wanted to talk to him as they hadn't ever really managed before.

"You know where he lives, Hollis. Why not do it?" she asked her reflection. "What do you have to lose that isn't already lost anyway?"

She smiled and laughed a little.

"Only your pride."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"You want me to wait?"

The taxi driver had no idea how complicated that question was. Hollis stared at Jethro's house, wondering.

"Ma'am?"

"Yes...no. No, I don't want you to wait. How much do I owe you?" She paid, trying to avoid his curious gaze and then got out of the taxi and walked up to Jethro's front door. The taxi pulled away a few seconds later and part of her wanted to run after it saying that she'd changed her mind.

Sternly, she pushed that thought away and knocked on the door. She waited for about a minute and then tried the knob. Sure enough. It was unlocked. She couldn't help smiling. Some things didn't change.

_One of these days, Jethro, you're going to regret that. Maybe today._

The house looked just the same as she remembered and she headed unerringly for the basement. There he was, working on yet another boat.

"How many is that now?" she asked.

Jethro hadn't lost his skills. He didn't even look up although she knew he must have been at least a little surprised to hear her voice.

"Lost count," he replied.

"You still aren't locking your front door."

"You're still trespassing."

She smiled and walked down the steps a little ways before sitting down. She hadn't bothered to pretty herself up, although she'd been tempted. Instead, she was wearing her jeans and a t-shirt. Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail that did little beyond keep her hair out of her face.

_And not even that,_ she thought irritably as a lock trailed down her forehead.

"What's the name of this one going to be?"

"What are you doing here, Hollis?"

She sighed. That sound appeared to be enough. Jethro straightened and turned around to look at her.

"What is it, Hol?"

"Were you going to say anything?"

"About what?" He looked genuinely puzzled.

"Back when I left. I waited for you to say something, anything. You didn't. You didn't say a single word. Were you going to? Were you thinking about it? Did I leave too soon? Not give you a chance to speak?"

"You still think you _should_ have left?"

"Can't you just, for once, answer a question, Jethro?"

"Are you sure you want an answer?"

Hollis stood up and descended the rest of the way to the basement.

"Can't hurt, can it? Not now."

"I don't know. Some things always do."

"Were you going to say anything?"

"I thought about it."

"What would you have said?"

"Why do you want to know?"

Hollis just looked at him.

"Why, Hollis? Why, now?"

"So, you can't answer still? Even after two years?"

Now, it was Jethro's turn to be silent. They both stared at each other and somehow the distance closed between them and they were inches apart...inches and yet miles. The entire Pacific Ocean might as well be between them. The seconds lengthened into minutes and still neither spoke. Finally, Hollis nodded, feeling a strange sadness.

"That's what I needed to know, Jethro. Good-bye." She turned and walked away, much like she had the first time, hoping that he'd break that silence, break down that wall that she couldn't breach, had _never_ been able to breach completely. ...but he said nothing and Hollis mounted the stairs. At the top, she looked down at him.

"The boat looks good, Jethro. You always did have a knack." She paused and then continued, "Some things just don't change."

Still, Jethro said nothing; he just looked at her as she turned around and left. Her eyes blurred with tears by the time she reached the sidewalk, but she didn't start to run. She walked, one ear listening behind her to see if he'd come after her, finally...just once, he'd make the effort.

...but he didn't. She walked until she saw a taxi and flagged it down.

The tears never fell.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Hollis saw nothing more of Jethro during her stay in DC. On Sunday, she went to the Mall and walked around, looking at the different monuments, glad to see them again. As she sat near the Korean War memorial, she had a guilty realization: she was moving away from Lana'i and she hadn't bothered to mention that to any of her brothers. Joey, especially, would be upset if she showed up in Los Angeles without telling him in advance. He lived in Thousand Oaks, only about 30 miles away, and she hadn't been to see him since her retirement.

Chagrined, she pulled out her cell phone and dialed his number.

"_Hello, Manns'!"_

"Hi, is this..." she hazarded a guess. Joey had too many children...who had children. "...Jonathan?"

"_Aunt Hol!"_

"I'm right?"

"_Yep! You're right! How did you know I was here visiting?"_

"I didn't. I guessed. Why are _you_ answering the phone?"

"_I'm the youngest one who can talk."_

Hollis laughed. "Well, is your grandpa home?"

She then held the phone away from her ear as the young voice yelled, _"Grandpa! Phone's for you!"_

"Thanks, Jonathan."

"_When are you coming to visit? We're going to be here for another week. Guess what! We're going to Disneyland!"_

_And I'll bet Marjorie just loves you guys being in her house for that long, too,_ Hollis thought. Joey's wife was lovely but she was also very fussy about cleanliness.

"I might be there sooner than you think," she said. "Let me talk to your grandpa."

"_Here he is."_

She waited as the phone got passed and the whispered voice said, _"It's Aunt Hollis!"_

"Hey, Joey."

"_Hollis? What's up? I haven't heard from you for months."_ Joey's voice was quietly reproachful.

"Yeah, I know, Joey. I'm sorry about that."

"_Okay. So...what's up?"_

"I'm moving," she said, baldly.

"_Where to?"_

"Los Angeles, believe it or not."

"_I don't. Why? When?"_

"I'm flying in tomorrow. I got a job."

She was surprised to hear a chuckle. _"I think Jason won the bet."_

"Bet on what?"

"_On how long you'd stay retired before you either went crazy or else...unretired."_

"Jason guessed two years?"

"_Yep. I guessed five. Marty guessed that you'd stay retired. You know him. He's still naive even at 45. Mason said you'd only last six months."_

"So...this comes as a surprise to no one but me? Did your families get in on it as well?"

"_Yes, but I doubt you want to hear all the guesses. They range from two days to you deciding at 90 that you're tired of being retired. Suffice it to say that Jason knew you best. Not that I'm surprised by that. Have you told him?"_

"I haven't told anyone yet...except you."

"_Well, I'm flattered, but I'll bet it's because you felt guilty not because you wanted me to be the first to know."_

Hollis shifted guiltily on her bench. "I'm sorry, Joey."

"_Don't be, Hollis. You were working things out. Even if the rest of us are still working...I can understand that you had to try it out first."_

"Still smoothing the road?"

"_Someone has to be the diplomat in our family. We'd kill each other otherwise."_

"Yeah. You got that right."

"_You should tell Jason, though, Hollis. He'd want to hear it from you. What's the job? I'll bet it's not something sedate."_

"When did I _ever_ do anything sedately?"

"_Never."_

"It's heading up an NCIS team that runs out of Los Angeles."

"_I take it that you're being vague on purpose?"_

"Yeah."

"_Does that mean I have to start worrying about you again?"_

Hollis smiled to herself as she walked away from the memorial. "No, you don't, Joey. I'm much too old for a babysitter, now."

"_Can I risk treading where I don't have any business being?"_

"Sure."

"_Have you told him yet?"_

"Joey."

"_You seemed so happy with him, Hol."_

"I was, but it's over now, Joey. Dead and buried."

"_Okay, okay. You know that Mom always hoped you'd get married."_

"She just wanted more grandkids...and that's definitely out of the question now."

"_No, Hol,"_ Joey said softly. _"She wanted you to be happy."_

"What? Like _she_ was?"

"_No...and there's no need to get defensive about it. I'm the only one who'll bring it up; you know that. Not even Marjorie will bother anymore."_

"I feel so flattered," she deadpanned.

"_Dad, who's on the phone?"_

"_Your Aunt Hollis."_

"_Mom's complaining about the grill not working again."_

"_Of course, she is."_ Joey sighed gustily. _"See what you're missing out on, Hollis? Being badgered by your spouse about grills?"_

Hollis laughed. "Yep, Joey. Now, I wish I was married. I could be haranguing my husband about something inconsequential."

"_Ha ha. Come and see us when you get a chance. Simone and the kids are here for a while longer...just long enough for Marjorie to be glad they only show up once a year."_

"I'll come by."

"_Congratulations, Hol."_

"Thanks, Joey. Talk to you later."

"_Bye."_

Hollis hung up and sighed a little. Joey was right, though. He was the only one who still badgered her about getting married. Secretly, she wondered if their mother hadn't made a last request of it.

She made a note to herself to call Jason and then headed back to her hotel, knowing that this was more than likely the last she'd see of Jethro. She had been surprised at how much the silence had hurt her this time around. He had seemed to be changed, to be different enough to perhaps put forth some effort. Maybe that's what the silence was about, though. He didn't _want_ to put forth the effort required to make it work. That's why it hurt, the idea that any residual feelings were only on her side.

_Well, that's not why I came here. I've done what I needed to do. Tomorrow, I'll see what I got myself into._

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Our flight's been delayed," Vance said, settling onto a seat. "Not that I'm surprised. I would have been if it had actually been on time."

It was Monday and Hollis was pretending that she wasn't at all nervous about getting started. She was also pretending that she wasn't excited. This was just a job. That's all.

"Did they say how long?" she asked.

"Not specifically. You know how they are."

"Yeah."

"We probably have at least another hour before boarding."

"Well, I promised to make some calls," Hollis began.

"I should call Jackie and let her know. She likes to track my movements...just in case the plane crashes, I guess." He smiled and pulled out his cell phone.

Hollis got up and walked to the window, looking out at their plane. As she stared at it, she smiled, thinking of Jason. He was actually old enough to be retired for real...and he wasn't. He was an engineering professor and had said that he would stay there until he died. She pulled out her phone.

"_Hello, you've reached the phone of Jason Mann. Yes, I know how to use a cell phone. Yes, I'm old. Live with it and leave a message."_

Hollis laughed delightedly. "Hey, Jason. I like your new message. It's Hollis. I have some news for you...and according to Joey, it means you won the bet. Call me back in the next hour or else you'll have to wait until I get to Los Angeles."

She hung up and waited. Jason often liked to let people listen to his messages since he changed them often, just to prove that he could, that even an old fogey like him could learn new technology.

Sure enough. Two minutes later, her phone rang.

"Hi, Jason."

"_Holly! You're coming out of retirement?"_

"Yep."

"_When?"_

"I'm just waiting for the plane."

"_Whoa! You're just leaving Lana'i like that?"_

"Actually, I'm in DC right now. I left Lana'i last week."

"_You don't do anything by halves, do you, Hol."_

"Nope. Never have, never will."

"_What are you doing now? Not back in the Army?"_

"No. NCIS. I'm heading up a team which operates out of LA."

"_Interesting. Army to Navy, eh? Would that have anything to do with–?"_

"No."

"_Okay, then. Dangerous?"_

"Somewhat, I'm sure."

"_Just the way you like it."_

"I'm not an adrenaline junkie, Jason."

"_No, but you also like things that push the limits."_

"Keeps me on my toes."

"_You know I love you, Holly, right?"_

"Jason, you're not going to talk me out of it."

"_I wasn't going to try, but I do want to make sure you know what you're doing. You're not thirty anymore."_

"Haven't been for years, Jason. What's your point?"

"_You could be getting in over your head."_

"Yes, that's true, but I don't think I am. I've been staying active ever since I retired. In fact, this last week was the most sedentary I've ever been. I'm as up-to-date on what they're doing as is possible to be from a distance and I'll be meeting my team when we get back there. I'm hardly old and decrepit."

"_Holly..."_

"Jason, I appreciate that you're worried, but I did this of my own volition. I just wanted you to know about it."

"_I'm glad you told me yourself, Holly."_

"I'll try to come for a visit soon."

"_Maybe I'll visit you. Summer semester is nearly over."_

"I'll be in LA...somewhere. I'm not sure where yet. Don't have a place to stay."

"_You could stay with Joey."_

"And have Marjorie following me around asking me to eat more and to take off my shoes? I don't think so."

Jason laughed. _"Well, you know they'd willingly put you up."_

"I know. I don't want to stay there, but I know I can if necessary."

"_Be careful, Hollis."_

"I will. ...but not _too_ careful."

"_Bye."_

"Bye, Jason."

With a deep breath, Hollis turned around and looked at Vance as he sat, chatting animatedly on his phone. Whatever worries Jason had, they weren't hers and she would be glad to get started...finally.

It felt as though she'd been headed toward this ever since her retirement.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Hollis almost laughed when she got out of the car at the building housing her new team.

"I like what you've done to the place," she said.

"Don't judge it by the exterior," Vance said, although he smiled.

"I rarely do. Elevator?"

"Ladies first." He gestured.

"I can handle that." She glanced casually upward and waved at the camera before stepping onto the old elevator.

As they rose, she unconsciously squared her shoulders.

"At ease, Col. Mann."

"I think I'd feel better if I'd worn my uniform."

"Well, you could do that, but I doubt it would help you blend in at all."

The elevator came to a halt and they walked in...into a room that was as far away from the decrepit nature of the exterior as was possible. There were incomprehensible pieces of machinery seemingly littering the entire room. Scattered, here and there, were actual people...which made her feel a bit less like she had stepped through some sort of timewarp to the 25th century.

"Good morning," Vance said, just loudly enough to get everyone's attention.

Eyes turned from computer screens to Vance...with many flickering glances directed toward Hollis.

"I'd like to introduce you all to Hollis Mann. She has been hired to lead the OSP."

"Permanently?" The question came from a man who looked as though he'd seen much better days. Mentally, Hollis flipped through the files.

"Agent Callen?" Hollis asked.

He nodded.

"Should you be out of the hospital yet?"

"Of course not, but he insisted that everyone needed to be here...so that they didn't get fired," rumbled his partner as he crossed the great divide between Hollis and the rest of them. "Sam Hanna," he said, shaking her hand.

"Hollis."

"Is this a permanent appointment, Director Vance?" Callen asked again...but Hollis noticed that he made no effort to stand up.

Hollis jumped in before Vance could answer. "It's possible, Agent Callen," she said, seriously. "However, if Agent Macy should recover and wants to take her place back, I will be more than willing to give it up."

"You want to leave already? I don't blame you," said a girl to the side. She looked way too young, but Hollis remembered her file as she also shook hands. "I'm Kensi Blye. You never know what's going to happen with these guys around." She grinned.

"I don't _want_ to leave, but I have no desire to displace someone who shouldn't be," Hollis said and then looked over Kensi's shoulder. "That goes for firing people, too, Agent Callen."

He smiled at her. It looked like a genuine, if strained, smile.

"I'm Nate Getz," said another man.

Hollis had to keep herself from backing up a step. He was _tall_! Probably he had about eight or nine inches on her. Hollis knew that she wasn't especially short, but she was a shrimp in comparison to this tall gangly man towering over her.

"You are, I presume, the resident omnipotent, yet kindly, psychologist?"

"I'm not sure about the...kindly part, but resident and omnipotent would be accurate." His expression was solemn, but his eyes twinkled with amusement.

"Don't psychoanalyze me at the moment, please," Hollis said.

"Sure thing, but you can't hold me off forever."

"It's like breathing for him," Sam said and then pointed. "This is Dominic, just hired a couple of weeks ago. Fresh from the Navy."

Dominic nodded to her, but he looked more out of place than she felt and she contented herself with smiling in his direction.

"Then, there's the tech support," Vance said, stepping in briefly. "You have Eric Beal over there. He's basically in charge of the tech side of things." A man in glasses waved cheerily.

Vance moved Hollis around the room, introducing her to everyone, but she was mostly aware of the eyes of the field team resting on her every move. She was used to that. Being a female soldier meant she was up for a lot more scrutiny than most anyway. Then, heading up a CID team, again as a woman, forced her to deal with things in a different way than she would have had she been male. This, though, she could tell had nothing to do with her gender. It had to do with her as an unknown in an equation that had previously been working perfectly. Resentment would hopefully not be a factor in her interactions with them. The accident that had nearly killed Lara Macy was not her fault. Hollis wouldn't be here had the accident not occurred. They would know that.

Vaguely, she heard Vance telling everyone about some sort of a dinner that would give them all more of a chance to become acquainted. She smiled at nodded when he looked at her for confirmation, but she was looking around at everyone and thinking that now would be a good time to find out where her office was.

"This way, Agent Mann," Vance said, pointing to a flight of stairs.

Hollis followed, still aware of the eyes and was relieved to find that Vance was leading her where she wanted to go.

"Well?" he asked, as soon as the door was closed.

"Well what?"

"What do you think?"

"Can't tell from shaking hands with someone and reading their files. It will take time, Director."

"That's true."

"Then, why ask?"

Vance merely smiled enigmatically. He gestured. "This is your office. All of Macy's personal belongings have been moved out. What's left is official OSP information. Take the rest of the afternoon and get yourself settled. Nothing huge is going on at the moment, case-wise; so take your time."

Hollis nodded. "Hey, at least I get a window."

"Second thoughts?"

"Nope. Not on my side."

"Nor mine. See you this evening."

"Yes, sir."

Hollis watched him leave and sank down onto her chair. With a sigh, she leaned back and looked around the office, wondering, briefly, if she had thrown herself to the wolves.

"Wrong attitude, Hollis," she muttered and swivelled the chair around toward the window and stood. "There's lots to do and no time to do it; so get to work."

"Talking to yourself can be a sign of madness, you know."

Hollis jumped and turned around.

"Dr. Getz," she said.

"Oh, I'm not so formal. Nate'll do."

"I'm sure it would," she said.

"Don't think much of shrinks?"

"Actually, I think the world of shrinks," she corrected. "I just like to think of them...a world away from me. I don't like being analyzed."

"Well, that's part of my job here. Analyzing the people we investigate _and_ the people doing the investigating."

"I know. I read your file."

"I'll bet you memorized it."

"Close as I could. I don't like going in blind."

"Most people don't."

"So...tell me, Dr. Nate..." Nate raised his eyebrows and then grinned at the address. "...in your professional opinion, did I pass?"

"I think the jury's still out for some. Macy was a good team leader."

"From what I could ascertain, I agree. It's not the way I would have chosen to come out of retirement."

"But you would have?"

"Probably. It seemed pretty much inevitable. I shouldn't have retired when I did...at least not to the extent. I was ready to leave the Army. Loved it there, but it was time."

"So you went all the way?"

"Yep. I generally do. I thought I could embrace a slower pace...but I was wrong. I was missing too much to do it right." Hollis began shuffling through items in the desk, on the shelves. It meant that she didn't have to put all her attention on Nate. She could see what he was doing and it made her uncomfortable, but she also recognized its necessity. He needed to get a sense of how she operated if he was going to do his job. ...but that didn't mean she had to enjoy it.

"Too much personally?"

"Yes," she answered shortly. Of all the things she _didn't_ want to discuss, Jethro was number one on the list. "But I'm also the kind of person who likes being in on the action. I'm used to being in charge. I'm all for teamwork, but I don't take well to being passed over."

One of the desk drawers was locked. She jiggled it a few times and then gave up, looking at Nate.

"What you need to know about me is that I will always do my best and if you don't think I'm doing a good enough job, you need to have the balls to say so. I'd prefer in private, but in public if necessary. Don't just stare at me and expect me to get the message. If given a chance, I believe I can fit in here, but I need to be given that chance...the same chance I will give to everyone here. Trust takes time to build. I know that, but I will do my best to earn it."

"So...you're ready for a long-term stint here?"

"Yes. I'm in my early fifties, but I came into this knowing it could...and probably would be permanent."

"Yeah, no one really believes Macy'll come out of it. She's good at the unexpected, though."

Hollis wasn't fooled by the light tone. "I'm not here to banish her, Nate. I'm just here to do a job. She wants this office back...she can have it."

"You want to belong here, don't you."

Hollis smiled before turning her attention back to the locked desk drawer.

"Doesn't everyone want that? Really?"

"You seem to more than most, though."

Hollis didn't answer the implied question. "So...any advice on how to avoid stepping on sensitive toes?"

Nate shook his head. "Just treat them with respect and you'll get it back. You have any problems with Callen?"

"Why would I?"

"You read his file?"

"Of course. I read everybody's files. I told you."

"And Callen's file wasn't odd to you?"

"Of course it was. For one thing, I'm not used to anyone besides rappers having only an initial for a first name."

"That's it?"

"Look, Nate. I think that Callen's file reads like one of those political intrigue books, but if he does his job and does it well, then the file doesn't really mean anything, now does it." She looked back toward the door. "Speak of the devil."

"...and who appeareth," Callen finished. "You really believe that?"

"That you're the devil? No."

He just looked at her with a hint of suspicion.

"That what you do means more than what's written down? Yes. Things are rarely what they seem to be on paper. Your official file gives broad strokes. It's not who you are, Agent Callen."

"G."

"You'd rather go by a single letter?"

"Agent Callen sounds too official." He smiled.

"Okay...G." She held out her hand. "I'm Hollis."

He shook it. "Interesting name. Where'd it come from?"

"My mother. I told her that if she had wanted me to be a little lady, she should have named me something more feminine."

Callen laughed.

"So...you're not supposed to be here yet, G."

"No."

"I'm not going to fire you; so why don't you get yourself better. How else will I be able to exploit your abilities?"

"Yes, ma'am." He gave her a mock salute and left the office.

"You've struck the right chord with Callen," Nate observed.

"Well, I'd hate to lose him before I've even begun," she replied, feeling suddenly pensive.

Nate proved that his perspicacity applied to knowing when it was best for him to withdraw and left her alone.

It would probably be awkward for a while. It was natural, but she hoped it wouldn't stay that way. Second thoughts? No. Not ever...just worries that harked back to her childhood of not fitting in any of the groups...boys _or_ girls. Only family. She didn't exactly _fit_ with them either, but family was something you could always rely on whether or not you had things in common. With the exception of her father, she had never wondered if she was loved. She knew she was. With a sudden burst of movement, she strode from the office and to the stairs. Silently, she watched as the people below went about their tasks, smoothly accomplishing what needed to be done. She smiled to herself. She liked it already...nervous as she was. These were good people and she wanted to be here.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

_Six months later..._

Hollis stared intently at the screen. Her eyes moved quickly around, searching for their target. She didn't always get involved in the takedowns. She had lots of other duties beyond the investigations, but this case had been weeks in the making and she wanted to be in on the end of it.

"_Talk to me, Hol."_

"Okay, G. He's stopped at that newspaper stand. Kensi?"

"_Moving in."_

Hollis watched as Kensi sauntered casually over to the stand, pointing out the pack of gum she wanted which was just behind the vendor's head.

"_I've heard it's better than the regular Extra. You know?"_

"_It's gum, lady. Makes no difference."_

"_It's gotta make _some_ difference."_

"_You want it or not?"_

"_Sure! I'll try anything once."_

Her eyes were all over as she paid for her purchase, dropping her change on the pavement, picking it up (while placing a mike beneath the counter), apologizing as she ran into the man standing impatiently, waiting for her to leave. She smiled, even blushing with supposed embarrassment at her clumsiness.

Meanwhile, little though they knew it, these two men had a noose encircling them, being drawn tighter and tighter. Hollis watched with growing excitement, carefully-controlled, as Sam and Dominic took up their positions. Callen stood nonchalantly in the background, reading a newspaper he'd purchased just a moment before.

"We're getting feed now," Eric reported.

"Let's hear it."

"Here you go."

"_It's getting too risky."_

"You getting this?" Hollis demanded.

"Every word."

"_You're just paranoid."_

"Come on...give us the name."

"_Paranoid? Those NCIS agents are sniffing out everywhere. They _know_ something's up."_

"_They have no proof,"_ the vendor said smugly. _"All they have is guesswork so far."_

"_Yeah, well, Jackson's been questioned. More than once. If we lose him..."_

"_...then, we'll have to lean harder on the others."_

Hollis' eyes widened in surprise. Others? She glanced over at Eric.

"Callen, you hear that?"

"_Loud and clear, Hol."_

"_You want us to take them anyway? Or let them stew?"_ Sam asked.

Hollis considered. She knew there were risks either way. These two were important in the gun ring they were tracking, but they weren't necessarily the top people. If they let them get away, they could lose whatever chance they had of stopping the thefts, but if they postponed the arrests, they might be led to others who were involved.

"_Hollis?"_

Hollis watched a moment more and then made her decision.

"Take 'em."

"_Got it."_

The arrests went off without a hitch and in next to no time, the two men were in custody and their main contact within Camp Pendleton had also been arrested. Because they'd been coordinating with the San Diego field office, they turned the men over to the MCRT working the case, with a measure of good grace. It was always hard to give up something they'd been working on, even to their own colleagues...but that was the way it went. For one thing, they didn't have holding cells at OSP. That wasn't their job.

Hollis allowed herself to give a deep sigh of relief once she returned to her office. It was hard being the one to stay behind and watch the others do the work...but the work was so incredibly satisfying. Even if she had to rent out her house in Lana'i in order to pay the bills and even if she had to live in a condo in one of the suburbs of LA rather than in her own house, she was happier here than she'd been in more than two years.

"Hey, Hollis." Sam stuck his head in her office.

She smiled. "Good work out there, Sam."

"Thanks. Not so bad yourself...ma'am."

"I'm not in the Army anymore, Sam."

"You wouldn't be able to tell when you're giving orders."

"Old habits die hard."

"We're going out to get a drink to celebrate taking them down. Do you want to join us?"

Hollis blinked a few times as she considered the invitation. It was the first time in the past six months that any of them had asked her to come along after work. They'd been pleasant, friendly even, but not to the extent of asking her to be a part of their get-togethers. As the leader, she had to maintain a degree of separation...but still...

"Hollis? It's not rocket science."

"I would love to, Sam. ...not for long though. I need my sleep tonight. I think we all do."

"Got that right. It won't be anything big. We're heading out in about half an hour."

"I'll be there."

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"I've got it," Hollis said, pulling out some money.

"No, no. The boss can't pay for the first round. She pays for the last one," Kensi announced, laughing.

"If there are enough rounds for a first _and_ a last, how likely is it that you'll remember that...and be ready for work in the morning?"

Everyone chuckled.

"Dangerous inviting the boss," Eric said. "She'll be watching us like a hawk tomorrow morning...checking for hangovers."

"Not if she has one, too," Callen said, saluting Hollis with his bottle.

Hollis smiled and returned the salute. "I don't want to get fired for something so trivial, G. I'll save that up for something really spectacular."

"Like what?"

"I'll have to think of something when I'm old and decrepit."

Another round of laughter...and another round of drinks. It could have gone on all night, but after the third (in which Hollis bought nothing for herself), Hollis declared it the last round...at least as far as she was concerned and paid for it before bidding them good night and giving them all a mock warning.

"If I have my team moaning around the office tomorrow..." she said, shaking her finger.

"Yes, Mother!" Kensi called merrily.

They all waved good-bye and Hollis left feeling almost buoyant...and it wasn't from the drinks.

When she reached her building, it was not with the usual good-natured grumbling about the noise and the crowds. Hollis let herself in and rode the elevator up to her condo hardly noticing her surroundings. She knew that Callen, in particular, still missed Macy and visited her regularly, but the fact was that they had accepted her in the position and although she knew that it could end at some point, she would be happy for whatever time she had. It had made her feel alive as she hadn't in a long time.

With a smile she couldn't hide, she turned on her radio and began getting ready for bed. She surprised herself by singing along with the lyrics, even going so far as to start singing to her hairbrush.

Her high lasted for a full hour as she listened to the radio, relaxed for a little while to let herself unwind.

Then, suddenly, her mood was dampened slightly by a song she'd never heard before. She didn't understand all the lyrics until it got to the chorus for the second time. It made her pause...and think of the one part of her life that she still regretted. Then, the song went suddenly soft and she sank down onto her bed listening to the words.

_So don't say your goodbyes  
__You know it's better that way  
__We won't break, we won't die  
__It's just a moment of change _

With a self-conscious smile, one tinged with a bit of sadness, Hollis listened to the rest of the song and then turned off the radio. That wasn't the life she had. She was happy with what she did have. There was no denying it. That happiness hadn't been fake. It still wasn't. Even now, Hollis found she could smile at the thought of her team, of her job, of what she was doing.

_I guess everyone has something in their lives they regret,_ she thought as she got into bed and turned out the light. She wished that Jethro had said something like that song to her, but he hadn't and while she would regret it, she decided that she really did need to accept it. Sometimes, things really did die. Punching her pillow, she rolled over and closed her eyes.

...only to have them fly open at the sound of a knock on her door.

Instantly alert, Hollis got up, pulled on her robe and headed to the door, stopping only to pick up her gun. She hadn't buzzed anyone in and so this was an uninvited guest. Who knew who it could be? They had never found the people who had shot Callen. They had appeared and disappeared into the same mysterious past Callen couldn't articulate to anyone including himself.

She looked through the peephole and had a shock that couldn't have been greater if it _had_ been a mysterious assassion ready to kill her. She stood there, looking, trying to determine if she had somehow unknowingly drunk enough alcohol that she was now hallucinating.

There was another knock, just as noisy as the first and Hollis had to admit to herself that she wasn't imagining it. Still holding her gun, she opened the door.

"Hi, Hollis. You planning on shooting me?"

Hollis stood in the door way, staring speechlessly for a few seconds before she found her voice.

"Jethro..."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"What are you doing here?" Hollis asked, unable to cover her surprise.

"Can I come in?" Jethro looked...unsure of himself which was odd enough, almost odder than him standing in the hallway. His discomfort was screaming itself out in every line of his stance...like the first time she had broached the subject of them being more than just a fling. ...only this time, she couldn't say that it was because of her. It was definitely his choice to be here...hopefully.

Wordlessly, Hollis stood aside to let him in, her gun dangling at her side.

"How did you get insi–? Nevermind, I don't want to know," she corrected herself as she closed the door. "What are you doing here?" she asked again.

"You planning on using that?" Jethro asked, pointing to the gun still in her hand.

"I'm debating. You planning on answering any questions or just asking them?"

He smiled slightly. "You want to sit?" he asked and gestured toward her couch.

Bemused, Hollis accepted the invitation to sit down on her own furniture, although she paused to set the gun down on her endtable. He sat down across from her and they stared at each other in an awkward silence.

"What are you doing here?" she asked again.

There was no question of it now...not that there had been any before. Jethro was uncomfortable, and he didn't like the sensation. Rather than let the silence stretch out in front of them again, Hollis continued.

"Jethro, I'm not going to let you sit in my place, staring at me, saying nothing. I had enough of that before. _You_ came to _me_. You must have had something to say." She paused and smiled a little. "If you were thinking of a one night's stand for old time's sake, you have wasted a lot of time and money flying out here and breaking into my building."

"That's not why I came."

"Then, why? I didn't ask for it. I wasn't looking for it. Why, Jethro? Why are you here? Why did you come out here, fly all the way across the country to sit in my front room...saying nothing?" _Like always..._

"I..." Jethro stopped and then stood, walking to the window, looking out at the LA skyline. "I've missed you, Holly."

"You just didn't realize it for three years?" she asked with more than a hint of disbelief.

Jethro turned around, his expression incredibly earnest. "No. No, I realized it before." With a sudden burst of movement he walked across the room and sat beside her. "I...I was..."

"What?" Hollis asked, afraid to know where this was going, afraid to even hope that it might be what it seemed to be.

"I was happy with you, Holly...and that scared me." Having let that confession out, he stood and walked away from her again.

Hollis watched Jethro, more surprised by the admission than _she'd_ ever care to admit. In fact, it made her feel flustered...and so she covered in the best way she knew how.

"I heard that Officer David came back."

"Yeah. A couple of months ago."

"You don't seem too excited."

He shrugged, still not facing her. "Things happened.... She's still readjusting...recovering. We're happy to have her back, but it will take time. It has to."

"Otherwise you're just ignoring the problem and hoping it will go away on its own?" she asked, pointedly.

"I made mistakes, Holly," Jethro said bluntly.

"Everyone does. That's a part of life."

He turned back. "No. With you. I made lots of mistakes with you. I should be grateful you stayed as long as you did."

As nice as this might be, a sense of honesty prompted Hollis to speak. "No, Jethro. We _both_ made mistakes. I made plenty, and you were good enough to forgive me when I asked. Ducky always said I could find no better man than you. I think he was right."

"Did you ever forgive me?"

Hollis stood and walked over to him, stopping just out of reach. "Jethro...you never asked me to forgive you. You never said anything, never even intimated that you realized you _had_ made a mistake, that you _needed_ forgiveness."

He stared at her for another long moment. "Will you forgive me, Hollis?"

Hollis stepped closer. "You said once, back when we were chasing Sharif, that you could read someone by looking in their eyes. You read me then, quite accurately I might add, and that was before we started going out." She smiled at the memory. "You knew I wanted you to kiss me. Can you read me now?"

Jethro stared into her eyes and Hollis willed him to see what she'd tried to tell him many times, what she was feeling now. He said nothing, but his expression softened, the stress lines around his eyes relaxed.

"Now, what?" she asked softly.

"Would you say it, Holly? Just this once?"

She smiled. "I do forgive you, Jethro. How could I do otherwise? I always understood why things were the way they were. I just couldn't accept them."

His eyes were locked on her. It seemed that he'd lost his discomfort...at least for now.

"Thank you."

"What brought this on, Jethro? Why now?"

"This last year has...been hard. A lot of things have happened, forced me to face up to what I've done in the past. Watching Ziva try and get back into the team, watching McGee and Tony go to such lengths to put aside their own problems...they get it...and I didn't."

"Get what?"

"What it takes. Both sides are trying. It's not just Ziva trying to fit back in. It's not just McGee and Tony putting aside their discomfort to _let_ her back in. They're _all_ doing it. You and I...we never had that, did we. It was mostly just you."

"You weren't exactly sitting around the whole time, Jethro," she said, smiling with just a hint of mischief.

He smiled back. "No, but it was you who always had to move us along. You were always open with me. I never was with you...and I'm sorry for that, Holly."

"It was a while ago, Jethro."

"I know. It's taken me this long to get it."

"Slow learning curve?" she asked lightly.

"You probably should have given up on me a long time before you did."

Hollis felt her mouth twist just a little and turned away, walking to the kitchen. "You want something to drink, Jethro? I'm not making coffee at eleven-thirty, but..."

"Holly?"

"It's probably pretty cold back East, isn't it. I sometimes forget after Lana'i and now LA," she said, trying to swallow the lump in her throat which was _not_ dissipating. It was only growing larger and she really didn't want to cry.

He was right behind her, his hand covering hers as she reached out to open a cupboard. It was the first physical contact they'd had since she'd retired.

"Holly."

"Please, Jethro...don't go there."

"_Did _you give up?"

Hollis closed her eyes and felt a tear escape. He was so close. She stood ramrod straight, feeling him behind her.

"I tried to."

"But?"

"But I couldn't," she admitted. "I always had this...this insane hope that things might change...that _we_ might both change enough."

"Then, why did you leave?"

"Because I didn't think it could actually happen."

"And now?"

"Why are you asking?"

They were both silent for a long moment and their positions reminded her of Jethro "teaching" her how to play baseball. She could almost feel him putting her body into the correct position, a position she'd already known from years of experience.

"Jethro, why? You could have called me, sent me an email..."

Jethro laughed softly. His hand was still covering hers.

"Okay..._most_ people could send an email. Were you planning this?"

"For a little while. A week or so. I had to request leave time."

She almost turned but fought the impulse.

"And...what were you hoping to get from this almost-impulsive trip across the country?"

His hand disappeared from view and she felt him recede.

"A second chance."

"A second chance?" she repeated.

"Third chance...fourth...whatever number you think we're on now."

She still didn't turn, but she got a better grip on her emotions.

"I live in LA now, Jethro. You live in DC. We both have jobs that keep us more than 2500 miles apart, jobs we're not ready to leave. Why do you think we have the slightest chance of working now?"

She was speaking to her cupboard, mainly because she knew that if she turned around and looked at him, she'd do whatever he wanted.

"Long distance is hard, I know. Shannon..." He faltered over the name and she heard him take a breath before going on. "...Shannon and I had some rough patches when I got deployed the first time."

She stayed silent.

"But if...both sides want it to work out, it can. It takes effort, time...but if we want it, it's worth it."

Hollis took a deep breath and turned around. She knew her eyes would still be glistening, but she couldn't play the coward any longer. Jethro was standing just a couple of feet from her, giving her his full undivided attention as only he could do.

"Jethro..._do_ you want it?" she asked. "You have to know if this is really what you want. I...I can't be the only one, not this time. I can't do that again. It didn't work before. It wouldn't work now."

There was yet another long silence. It was a good thing she was used it.

"I wanted to see you again," he said finally. "When Vance told me you accepted, I knew that I wouldn't see you if I didn't do something myself. That's why I came to the airport. I wanted to see you."

"Why didn't you say anything, then?"

"I was afraid to."

Hollis smiled a little. "Jethro, I know I'm intimidating, but..."

"I still love Shannon," Jethro said, interrupting her. "I miss her. I miss Kelly. I miss them both more than I can say. If I could have them back, I would in a second."

Without a word, Hollis walked back to the couch and sat down. Jethro followed and sat down as well.

"I've already messed up three marriages...and who knows how many relationships because of that. I don't...want to do that again, not to you, Holly."

"Do you think you would?"

The awkwardness was back. "I don't know, Hol. I don't _want_ to."

"Jethro..." She leaned forward, spreading her hands out. "...I don't _want_ you to forget them. I don't _want_ you to stop loving them. They're a part of you...a beautiful part. They always will be. I told you before that we all have things in our lives we regret. You regret losing that. It was probably as close to perfection as you could get."

"Hollis..."

"Let me finish. I understand you holding on to them. That's fine. That's natural, but I don't want to be a replacement, Jethro. I don't want to be the poor man's substitute. So...if you want this, if you _really_ think you want this... Can you look at me as myself, not as someone who will...never be what you really want? Because if not, there's no point in starting again."

To her surprise, Jethro smiled. "You always were to-the-point, Hollis."

"Occupational hazard," she said with a lopsided grin.

"I was happy with _you_, Hollis, not because you were like Shannon...because you're not. I think it was the first time I felt that way."

"So...what is it that you're hoping for with this...second chance you want?"

Jethro hesitantly reached out a hand. "I want to be with you, Hollis," he said simply.

"How often do you think we'll have that opportunity?"

"We both get vacation days. I certainly rarely used mine. I'll bet you're the same."

"You really think this can work?"

"I want it to. Do you?"

Hollis hesitated, but not because she didn't know the answer to his question. She knew. It was just difficult to admit it.

"Yes, Jethro. I do."

"That's an ominous sentence."

Hollis laughed and took his hand. "I'm not proposing marriage, certainly not now. We, neither of us, are ready for that step."

"But a second chance?"

Hollis looked back over her shoulder. Hanging on the wall in a position of prominence was the cross-stitched poem Lani had made her.

_Every day is a fresh beginning;  
__Listen, my soul, to the glad refrain,  
__And, spite of old sorrow and older sinning,  
__And puzzles forecasted and possible pain  
__Take heart with the day, and begin again._

"Yes, Jethro," she said and finally let the tears fall. "Yes, I want a second chance. Let's start again."

As one, they stood and wrapped their arms round each other. It wasn't the prelude to a passionate night. It was a hug, a healing of wounds never quite healed before, a promise of things to come. Hollis held Jethro tightly and laid her head on his shoulder, content to stand there quietly for a while.

Finally, a little reluctantly, Hollis pulled back, wiping at the damp patch she'd made on Jethro's shirt.

"Well, I have to work tomorrow," she said with an apologetic smile.

Jethro covered her hand again. "I have a few days off."

"How _will_ they manage without you?"

"DiNozzo led the team for four months. He's up to the challenge."

"I don't have a substitute, and I need my sleep."

"I'll wait. Dinner? Tomorrow?"

Hollis smiled. "That sounds good."

Then, she kissed him, but that was all. Somehow, they both knew that there would be nothing more that night. Both were determined to do this right. Jethro walked to the door in his customary silence and was almost out when Hollis called after him.

"Jethro."

"Yeah?"

"I go running in the mornings...if you want to join me."

He smiled and didn't answer...but Hollis knew he'd be there. After the door closed, she sat back down on the couch and wondered how it was possible for things to have changed so quickly...and so quickly for the better. She hoped so anyway.


	11. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

_Two years later..._

Hollis sat at her desk, watching on the camera as they all left, one by one, excited for a weekend that looked to be free of any occupational entanglements. It was nearly killing her to wait, but this meeting couldn't be delayed and if she left, it would get postponed, she would get lectured (which she hated) and she'd miss her flight. She did _not_ want to miss her flight. She would _not_ miss her flight even if she had to chase down the plane on the tarmac. So...she waited.

"They're on, Hollis," Noreen said, leaning in. She had taken Eric's place as head of the tech side about a year before and despite her small stature, she ran her people with a level of discipline surpassed only by her concern for them all.

"It's about time," Hollis muttered and stood, feeling, as she always did, like a giant walking next to Noreen. She wondered if Nate ever worried about stepping on her.

"In a hurry?"

"I have a plane to catch in a few hours. I don't want to have to pay to reschedule."

"Hot date this weekend?"

"My vacation is supposed to start in exactly twenty minutes," Hollis said, not answering Noreen directly.

"Going back east are you?"

"Nope. West. They'd better not drag this out."

"I could tell them we're having technical difficulties," Noreen suggested, grinning wickedly.

"No, then, I'd just have to reschedule and I'm going to hate it either way. Put them on." Hollis stood in front of the screen and tried to pay attention to the three-way conversation going on between a high-ranking member of the Navy, a JAG lawyer, and Director Vance (who didn't look too thrilled about the meeting either). This was one part of the job she didn't really enjoy: blustering officials. She stifled a sigh as she tried to explain in her turn that the surveillance had not only been necessary but crucial to the case, no matter how inconvenient it might have been. After ten minutes of going around in circles, Vance looked directly toward her (or rather toward her camera) and asked,

"_Agent Mann, in your opinion would it have been possible to apprehend these smugglers without the covert surveillance provided by your team?"_

It wasn't a really a question, but he had to ask it.

"No, Director Vance. The case was built off information gathered covertly." She looked toward the Navy man. "Sir, would you rather have had a smuggling route running through your base? Because _that's_ what we stopped. That's what we do."

After a few seconds of hemming and hawing, Vance stepped in and declared that he had every confidence that things had been done according to procedure and had been vital. He declared the meeting adjourned and shut down the connection immediately after getting the reluctant agreement from the Navy man and the relieved nod of the lawyer.

"Pointless," Hollis muttered, pulling off her headset. "Absolutely pointless. I can't count the number of times I had to strong-arm that man into allowing us on his ship. Now, we got rid of a smuggling ring and all he cares about is that we had some cameras installed."

"Can't win them all. Some people just like to bluster. You going to make your flight?"

Hollis looked at her watch and sighed with relief. "Yes. Plenty of time."

"Enjoy your vacation."

Hollis smiled. "I will. I've been planning it for months." Then, before Noreen could ask any more awkward questions, she gave her a salute and headed out.

Within an hour, she was on her way to the airport, hoping for no delays.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"_Ladies and gentlemen, we are making our final descent into Lana'i City. Thank you for flying with us and we hope to see you on another Hawaii Air flight in the future."_

Hollis smiled and watched out the window as Lana'i loomed closer and closer. She hadn't been out here for two years. She was excited to see it again, even if it was only for a week. Her renters had left the house a month ago, meaning that it was open for her to use. Lani had sworn that they left it pristine. As soon as the seatbelt lights went off, she was standing in the aisle, grabbing her carry-on and waiting impatiently for the people ahead of her to get off the plane.

As she stepped into the terminal, she began looking around eagerly. She was sure that people were watching her with amusement as she only barely managed to keep from falling over a group of tourists. She checked herself after that and collected her bag, trying not to seem too excited. After standing around for a few minutes, she headed toward the exit, still keeping an eye out.

"Holly?"

The voice came from behind her and she turned around, smiling with pleasure. There he was.

"Hi, Jethro."

Feigning a nonchalance completely belied by her earlier behavior, she walked to him still smiling. By the amused twinkle in his eyes, she knew Jethro had seen how she'd been acting, even if he didn't address it directly.

"You're late."

"My flight was delayed. You?"

"We got here early."

"Of course, you did," she said with a pseudo-grimace. Would a pilot _dare_ run late if Leroy Jethro Gibbs was on the plane? Of course not, even if the pilot didn't actually _know_ Leroy Jethro Gibbs was on the plane. There was some unwritten law in the universe that stated that...

Her thoughts were cut off by Jethro plucking her bag out of her hands, setting it on the ground and kissing her...right in the middle of the terminal. That was definitely not his usual MO, but seeing as it had been nearly six months since she'd last seen him, she was willing to overlook that and return the kiss ardently. Too soon, he released her and leaned over to whisper in her ear.

"I missed you, Holly."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

That was what Jethro said every time they managed to get together, and she never tired of hearing it. He'd never yet said, "I love you" but he was admitting to missing her, that her absence was something he regretted, and that was something worth hearing. Every time. She couldn't deny to herself that she hoped he might say the cliched words once, but that was something she could wait for...whenever it came...and she would let him say it first. After two years, she _felt_ it, but she hadn't said it either.

"Holly?"

"Yes?"

"How are we getting to your place?"

"I have someone coming to pick us up. Don't listen to her, whatever she says."

Gibbs smiled and picked up Hollis' bag, shouldering his own and they headed out into the Lana'i evening. True to form, Lani was outside waiting. She had aged in the last two years and that gave Hollis a momentary pause. She hadn't looked _young_ before, but this was different. She was aging! Still, the twinkle in her eyes was exactly the same, particularly as she looked Jethro up and down.

"Lani," Hollis warned.

"I didn't say a word," Lani replied innocently, but she came round the car and hugged Hollis tightly. "Good to see you back, even if it's only for a bit."

"Thanks, Lani." She pulled back. "This is Jethro. Jethro, this is Lani, one of my running buddies."

"I see what you like," Lani said appreciatively.

Hollis blushed. "Lani."

"I'm just saying," she said and stuck out her hand.

Jethro shook it without comment, but he smiled as he got into the car.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

The house was as spotless as Lani had said and for that, Hollis was relieved. She didn't want to have to spend their first evening cleaning. She strongly suspected that Lani had actually cleaned the place herself.

The first evening was quiet, mostly spent companionable silence. After dinner, Jethro sat on her couch with her leaning against him as they watched some old movie, but even after it was over and the television was off, they stayed where they were. Passion would come later. Tomorrow would be soon enough for _doing_ things together, but right now, it was all about enjoying _being _together, something treasured all the more because of its rarity...and how near they'd come to _not_ having it at all.

"I really did miss you."

"I missed you, too, Jethro," Hollis said softly.

His arms tightened around her and he leaned over to kiss her neck. She smiled and leaned into it. Then, he leaned back against the couch.

After a while, Hollis felt her body relax as she drifted toward sleep. She was so close to unconsciousness that she almost didn't believe what she heard. It was soft, whispered into her ear, so soft that she felt the warm breath but almost didn't hear the words.

"I love you, Hollis."

Her eyes opened and she looked up at Jethro, making sure she'd heard him correctly. He smiled at her, as if he'd known the reaction he'd get for saying the words...which he probably did, truth be told.

"I love you, Jethro." She reached up and kissed him slowly, only to let him go and sink back down to her former position.

Eventually, she felt Jethro's body relax as he fell asleep. For some reason, relaxed and content as she was, Hollis didn't feel tired any longer. She looked out the window to her backyard, a smile on her lips.

Finally, she was happy.

As she fell asleep to the rhythm of Jethro's even breathing, she had a last whimsical thought.

_I wonder if the birds will wake us up in the morning._

FINIS!


End file.
